No woman in her right mind would want to tear her family down with her own hands or be described as disgraceful or quarrelsome.
Yet every day I have a choice to build up my family or to tear them down with my words, my actions, and my choices.
I remember one of the first fights Dirk and I had soon after we were married. I was a hot mess – not understanding how he could not see how wrong he was – and he was equally a mess, telling me how he couldn’t understand how I couldn’t understand how wrong I was! Instead of learning to work together, at that point in our young marriage we used our differences to push us apart.
Two years into our marriage, the tragedy of 9/11 struck our nation, and it forever changed me.
I heard story after story of husbands who left for work that day, never to return home. I listened to interviews of husbands and children who didn’t realize they would never see their wives and moms again and never had the chance to say goodbye. And I vowed to myself that I never wanted Dirk to head into work thinking I was upset with him. I wanted him to go to work knowing that he was loved, and I wanted him to look forward to coming back home.
Now sixteen years later, have I been perfect in this? No, not by a long shot.
We occasionally still have those crazy goodbyes as he’s yelling, “Ang, where are my car keys? I’m running late for work, babe. Help me find my…” And yes, I’ll grumble under my breath and sometimes to his face, “You know, if you would just put them in the same spot each time….” Ahhh, the realities of married life.
But the good news is, now years later we both know our shortcomings and tend to laugh off our absurdities in the heat of the moment instead of letting them get the best of us. We both know we need Jesus and a whole lot of grace.
And so that comes back to tearing down or building up.
As women, God has given us an amazing gift of influence over our families.
Daily, we have the choice to build up or tear down. Are we going to nitpick everything our husbands or children do wrong or are we going to ask God to help us view them the way He sees them; the way He crafted them and their personalities? Are we going to see them through lenses of grace, just like we want God to see us?
Maybe you’ve read these verses today and cringe wondering, “Am I building up more than I’m tearing down?” when I wish I could have you all around my kitchen table and just speak to you face-to-face.
There is grace, sweet friend… grace and new mercies that are fresh every morning (Lam. 3:22-23). If you find your mind and heart filling up with fear as you read today’s verses, let me tell you that there is hope and grace found in Jesus.
If you’ve found yourself on the tearing down side more than the building up side lately, then go to God. Ask Him for help. Repent of the ways you’ve torn down those in your home and ask God for His strength, wisdom, and guidance as you choose to change. Go to those you have hurt and ask them to forgive you. Then forgive yourself and accept the grace God extends to you as His daughter. Don’t allow Satan to cloak you in shame. Be proactive and rise each day with the commitment to first turn to God. Study His Word, apply His wisdom to your life and surrender your will to His. He will help you! He will guide you! And on those days when you are a hot mess too, remember… there is grace.
Being a woman who builds up her home isn’t about being the perfect mom or the perfect wife. It’s about being a mom and wife who surrenders her life to the Architect of her home. She allows Him to lead her, guide her, and His Spirit to work through her as she loves, serves, and cares for those in her home.
Friend, remember: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Praying for you as you go out and build up your families this week!
Love God Greatly!

Excellent message today! Iam enjoying this study, and the blog posts are so relevant to everyday life. Thank you!
Liz, We are so excited that you have joined us and that you are enjoying it!
Excellent message today! I am enjoying this study, and it is so relevant to everyday life. Thank you!
Beautiful post, Angela. Especially love the reminder that being a woman that builds isn’t about perfection but rather surrendering to the Architect of our lives.
Wanda, doesn’t this message just hit home? This whole week has been a big hit for me. I love when I can hear God telling me to listen and obey and that has been this whole week for me personally. Thank you for joining us!
What an encouraging post today that really ministered to me. I mess up frequently as wife and mom…. thanks for reminding me that His mercies are new EVERY morning and I can have a fresh start.
Beth, this message was a clear reminder that I am not alone, that everyone messes up. I always stand amazed when God brings me something that I am struggling with, as I am with not being perfect and the mistakes I have been making lately. Thank you so much for joining us in this journey!
This is a super good reminder to me, build yourself up so that you will build your family up and not tear down!
Shirley, It is so hard as women, mothers, wives, daughters and friends that we need that lifting as much as our beloveds. We are programmed to think of others first and put ourselves last and sometimes we just need to feed ourselves first before we can continue serving others. Thanks for joining us!
This is great Angela! Thanks for these encouraging words. Where you wrote about being a “woman who builds up her home isn’t about being the perfect mom or perfect wife.” I think we need to remember we are wives before we are moms. I know as a wife I put our kids before my husband and that is not ok. My mom always told me “remember it was always you and your husband, before it was you and your kids.”
Thank you to all you ladies who write these blogs and make these studies, growing in God’s word is so much fun with all of you!! Blessings!!
Jen, thank YOU for joining us! Having kids it is so easy to let your lives be all about them and then other areas get neglected, especially when you have active kids, this was a great reminder that we sometimes need to step back and realize we really aren’t perfect and we really can’t do everything perfectly.
“And on those days when you are a hot mess too, remember… there is grace.”
I love this one little sentence. This study is really helping me be a better wife, mom, daughter, friend and a woman of God. Thank you for this study and helping me hear God’s word in a new light.
Jen A, ah…where would be without grace? It is one of my favorite words and I have to remind myself daily. Thank you for joining us!
Jen I too loved this sentence! Because no matter how hard we try, those days still pop up! The LGG studies have been so influential on me, I’m glad to see others feel the same. Together growing in our relationships with Christ is a beautiful thing!
Mondee~LGG Encourager
Thanks, Anela, I know that my spirit was telling exactly what your scriptures are saying today regarding my daughter and her decision that she making in her life, and of course I am mom and I know I am right, but I felt God telling me to constantly build her up and pray for her that God will direct her to become a God fearing and praying woman. I have been tearing her down because of her decision, but I know in my heart through God that I have to allow him to direct my path in helping her see through God’s words what I see, and for me to kept praying and settings examples for her to follow. Thank you, Angela, for confirmation of God word.
Kimbly, I know for me, I am first to tell someone how I think it should be or how I think it should be done and then I am quick to inform them when they were wrong and I was right…this is not lifting someone up. I have to work daily and pray that my words are uplifting and demeaning or hurtful. Through prayer and God’s guidance I have gotten a lot better and I can tell a difference in how I speak to someone. I have had a few struggles lately and this message has hit home, this week has been a grand slam for me so far. Thank you so much for joining us.
Just love reading all of your responses this morning, Ladies! Your message today was one I really needed to hear, Angela. So blessed for this ministry and to be a part of it. Praying for all of us to continue to grow spiritually so we can become the women God has planned for us to be!
Angela,
God is on time with His messages? This came to my email this morning. I read it and wept and then forwarded it to my Husband, Steve. You see, we had a horrible fight this past Sunday. We tore each other down and I felt broken.
This email has healed my heart from the words and actions spoken over me??
Steve replied with such tenderness and grace.
We both needed to read this to mend our hurts.
Thank you for sharing?
Kristin, I am always amazed at God’s timing. The messages he puts before me when I need it at the perfect time. His timing is always perfect. Thank you for reading and following.
Jen I too loved this sentence! Because no matter how hard we try, those days still pop up! The LGG studies have been so influential on me, I’m glad to see others feel the same. Together growing in our relationships with Christ is a beautiful thing!
Mondee~LGG Encourager
God is so good! It’s seems he knows the words we need to hear! It brings tears to my eyes reading this. Hugs to you both!
Mondee~LGG Encourager
Kristen,
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with us today! It is truly a blessing to see how God is working in so many lives. I will be praying for you and your husband and for spiritual growth to continue in your marriage. God’s plan and timing are always perfect, even though it is sometimes difficult to understand…His plan, in His time!
Beautiful!
Beautiful words today! I hate that feeling I get when I know I just tore someone down, it makes me feel sick. I pray everyday for god to help me let his love shine through me, but some days that Hot mess takes over! I’m so thankful for His grace and mercy and for those around me that forgive.
I really needed this today. Thank you as I pray to always in every area of my life build up and not tear down.
I too, am throughly enjoying this series. As a young married mother of two, making sure my speech and my attitude is pure and wholesome toward my children can sometimes get neglected. They are with me 24-7 and see the worst in me. I have been very challenged and inspired! Thank you.
The perfect timing of this blog and the verses for today (thursday) are an encouragement for me that the Lord will guide me through this day either, in the building úp instead of tearing down. He is my Source of joy, peace, strength, wísdom, grace, mercy(!), patience and blessings.
God definitely used you to speak to me with this passage. I have been tearing down more than building up and i feel the full weight of it all. Thank God for his Mercy and Grace???
Thank you, I loved this.
But I am torn. Those this is exactly the kind of woman I so desire to be, I just cannot seem to attain it. What do o do with a husband that sees no good in me? Nothing, and I do mean absolutely nothing, I do is pleasing to him. He is in constant belief that I, and my grown sons who are not his by birth, are out to ruin him and are constantly “scheming” against him. He has even gone so far as to say to me that he believes I wish for his death. This is so far from truth, reality even, that I am so lost for how to proceed. I pray day & night, I cry out and plead to God to deliver me from this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, in advance.
Pat,
So glad you are with us! Praying for you and your son’s during this dark season you all are facing. Continue to say and do those things you know are pleasing to God and build your family up. Possibly counseling with your pastor or therapist in your area could help you all. Surrender all to God, and listen for His direction. God bless you and your family!
Amen Angela, amen!
Hello ladies! Great word this morning. Dear sister in Christ, you and your sons are in my prayers. Have you seen the “War Room?” I would suggest watching it and then doing the same thing in your life, it’s truly amazing what God does when we truly pray and believe. And remember at the end of the day, if we glorify Him in all things, all things are made right through Him.
This page has been hacked and there is no message! I am a few days behind on this study so I haven’t read this blog post yet. Will you be able to repost? Thank you!
Thank you for your inspiring post. Your story reminds me much of my wife and I. We belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I am going to share your posting with my wife and family. I’ll be looking for ways to build them and myself up today. Thank you and may God bless you.