I stood in the kitchen with one crying baby on my hip and another at my feet, and I watched him walk out the door.
Without me. Again.
I waited until I heard his car drive away before I crumpled into a pile on the kitchen floor and let the tears trickle quietly down my cheeks. The tears that I didn’t want him to see. Not only had it been a long day, but it had also been a long few months with no end in sight. Needy babies sixteen months apart and no sleep for nights on end can take their toll on a girl.
My tears might have seemed a bit more appropriate if he was headed someplace a little more – I don’t know – questionable. But you guys, he was going to … wait for it… church. We had sweetly talked about this, and it just made sense in this season. Feedings, a colicky baby and early bedtimes meant that I would stay, and he would go. There was no other way, after all, to satisfy this babe who had so adamantly refused the bottle. So there I sat, covered in spit-up, thinking of all of the things I could no longer do for God.
“Lord, I’ll do anything for you,” I had said.
As a little girl, I sat captivated week in and week out as I watched our pastor’s wife play the piano at the beginning of each church service. Her gorgeous long brown hair hung in ringlets across her back as she elegantly swayed with the music, and I remember thinking that she was doing a really great thing for God. “If you want me to be a pastor’s wife, I’ll do it,” I had offered God through heartfelt prayers. And after eight long years of piano lessons, I married an incredible, godly man…
Who just happened to be a pharmacist instead.
That pharmacist and I sat knee to knee in a pew, years later, and were deeply moved by the message. They were missionaries from all over, and their riveting stories spoke of a need to further the gospel in a way that burdened us to our cores. After we couldn’t stand the nudge in our hearts any longer, we walked an aisle, fell to our knees and with hands gripped tightly together whispered, “Lord, send us, if it’s Your will.” And we meant every word of it.
And then He didn’t.
Over time, the deep urge to be a part of something “big” for God would continue to come and go, but our restless hearts became content as we settled into serving more in our local church. We loved accepting roles and filling in and being parts of teams. Our contributions weren’t fancy, but we were willing, and it felt good to be useful for God.
And then those two babies came in a whirlwind.
And there I sat in that kitchen, with two crying babies wallering in my lap, longing for those days when I actually felt useful for God. Oh, I loved those babies with all that I had. I had prayed for them. Longed for them. Thanked God for them over and over. But if I couldn’t even go to the bathroom by myself, how would I ever begin to make a difference for the Kingdom?
And in the process of waiting to be great for God, I had missed a million little opportunities to honor His great name right there in my own home.
You see, “for such a time as this” doesn’t just include the big stuff. Oh, there may be some big, bold, exciting, risky God-opportunities that He calls you to along the way. Don’t miss them.
But daily, God is calling us to the here and now.
Where you are? That’s no mistake. And whatever your here and now consists of, I promise that if you stop and take a moment to look around, you’ll find whole lot of Kingdom work to do. That precious generation of little people right in front of your face? They’re tomorrow’s church. Your neighbor across the street and opposite your cubicle? You might be the only Jesus they ever see. That meal you made, that note you sent, that check you wrote, that prayer you prayed? You may have just inspired someone to love God greatly with their lives.
All because you decided to say “yes” to the here and now.
Lots of people want to do the “big” stuff for God, but there’s nobility in living in the quiet, humble, consistent, invisible places where no one but God sees. He delights in those who are faithful in the little, because He knows that they are also the ones who can be trusted with much when the time is right. In the here and now, God is purposefully working and preparing and refining in ways that you and I can’t see.He did it for Esther, and He’s still doing it today.
“For such a time as this.”
“Even this, Lord?”
“Yes, my child, even this.”
So I never became a missionary overseas and I can’t play piano today for the life of me, but there’s this spunky little girl in my house who’s falling in love with Jesus more and more each day…
And the little turns out to be not so little after all.
“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much…” ~ Luke 16:10
“And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” ~ Esther 4:14
At His Feet,
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