Redefining Humility
Pride is one of those funny things where we can actually trick ourselves into thinking we aren’t being prideful at all but humble. This has always been a struggle for me, especially when it comes to working in ministry. When our ministries seem to be thriving, and we’re receiving lots of encouragement, it’s easy to answer with, “Thank you, but it wasn’t me. It was all God!” I have often responded with a similar sentiment, and, at least to some extent, I often mean it.
In my head, I know that only God can empower ministry. At the same time, I’m tempted to take the credit for what God ultimately did. My head knows that God is the One at work, but my heart sometimes still believes that I am His necessary tool. Somewhere along the way, I’d allowed myself to redefine humility. I had begun walking brazenly in the assumption that I was efficiently and effectively using all the strengths God had given me, thanks to all my hard work. But this brazen walk was brought to a stumble this past year. God has used many different situations to gently show me where I’ve allowed pride to masquerade as humility.
Lessons in Humility
I have resonated with Solomon’s warning that pride comes before a fall (Proverbs 16:18) as I’ve fumbled my way through learning a new language after moving overseas a year ago. I knew that learning a new language would be difficult for me. I’m not an auditory learner, and I am easily exhausted in new social situations even in my native tongue, much less having to practice a new language with people I don’t yet know. But, I imagined that eventually, with enough work, I’d get it.
In my heart, I’d convinced myself that humility was admitting that language learning would be challenging but manageable all the while offering lip-service to God’s power. What I didn’t expect was that one year after moving and 9 months of full-time language school, I would still feel very lost and helpless when it came to speaking in my new language. I vividly remember breaking down on a call with a friend as I grieved that I couldn’t take my kids to the doctor, meet with my daughters’ teachers, or even order a pizza without falling into fear and anxiety about speaking. I remember pouring my heart out to her that I missed feeling needed and useful.
Words, deep conversations, intentional friendships – the things I had always considered my strengths and part of my identity, especially in ministry – were no longer strengths if I couldn’t speak. I hadn’t belted from the roof that I was proud of these things as King Nebuchadnezzar had done. However, I had certainly sung my own praises in my heart, reveled in the growth of spiritual seeds I believed I made to flourish, and filed away each compliment or encouragement as glory for my own majesty.
As I walked in pride, the Lord humbled me and opened my eyes to see my puffed-up arrogance. God took away my ability to communicate easily to show me how I had taken His power for granted and given myself credit for His kingdom work. I realized I had been taking pride in what I believed I had been accomplishing of my own power and strength. My pride had deceived me into thinking my purpose was wrapped up in what I could, or could not, accomplish for God. And once that source of pride had been taken away, I was drowning in purposelessness.
Worshiping with Humility
I had been, and still am, often blind to my weakness. I can easily forget that I am a sinner saved by grace alone, and I struggle to accept that I am simply a fragile jar of clay holding gospel treasure not by my own strength but by God’s surpassing power (2 Corinthians 4:7). But it is through this weakness that God’s power is displayed. What a grand purpose that is!
My pride is fed when I start to desire to be like God, to do the things that only God can do, and to take credit for work that belongs to Him.
Christ shows us true humility when He leaves His throne, though He is fully worthy to sit and rule on that throne, to obediently follow His Father’s plan to come to earth, serve, and die for sinners like us.
Part of humility occurs when we acknowledge that God can do far more than we could ever imagine. Instead of trying to be the one that accomplishes His divine work, we faithfully follow in obedience to His calling, no matter the seeming simplicity of the task. We can trust that He is working and moving in powerful ways to accomplish what only He can do in order that He alone gets the glory.
Sometimes I’m discouraged that every couple of months the Lord has to nudge me to see how I’ve once again let pride grow in my heart. It’s a sin that we will all struggle with through our days. In these moments of struggle and temptation, we must take our eyes off ourselves and lift them up to the King of Heaven. As we shift our focus to Him and His power, we’ll find the posture of humility to be one that gives us true purpose – glorifying the Most High.
