Every Tuesday evening for 30 weeks, I spent 3 hours in a classroom discussing family life skills with a group of women and a trained marriage and family counselor. On one memorable evening, our teacher stood at the front and re-defined anger for me:
“Anger is a false front – a signpost for another underlying root emotion. We use anger to cover up our shame, inadequacy, and pain.”
Really? I grew up in a home where angry outbursts were the norm. In order to be heard, you simply elevated your voice and spoke with more passion. This was how we communicated. Now as an adult, I needed to re-learn how to engage in discussion without verbally sparring if I wanted to have a peaceful home. I needed to remove the roots of bitterness wrapped around my selfish heart.
What I learned through wise counsel matches perfectly with the truths shared in the book of James. Self-righteous anger is never healthy. We will never win the war by using our words as a weapon.
The Apostle James lived in a time where opposing parties were passionate about opinions, and he offered practical help to the early church regarding how to work through conflicts. The way of the world is to demand our own way, but in this passage, we discover God’s equation for healthy communication:
- Be quick to hear.
The implication here is two-fold:
- We must have a teachable spirit that submits to the instruction of God’s Word and diligently obeys. As we plant God’s Word in our selfish hearts, the fruit that results is meekness. Rather than demand our rights, we should place the needs of others before our own with a submissive heart.
“An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” (Proverbs 18:15)
- We should try to understand the position of others, rather than arguing for our own way. We often miss the pain points in the lives of those we are speaking with because we don’t listen beyond their words to the cry rising up out of their wounded hearts.
“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” (Proverbs 18:2)
- Be slow to speak.
Unrestrained passion makes for poor communication. It’s best to choose our words carefully – or not speak at all. Rather than react and get offended, we should prayerfully respond and extend grace.
“Whenever words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is wise.” (Proverbs 10:19)
- Be slow to anger.
Refuse to wear self-righteous indignation like a badge of honor. Instead, humbly offer up your hurts to God and let Him fight your battles.
“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)
James explains how we must uproot fleshy, sinful weeds that clutter up the soil of our heart. As we study God’s Word, a seed of truth is planted in our lives. Every time we humbly obey what God says, beautiful fruit begins to grow. If you have a history of anger in your family like me, God’s Word applied to your heart can change the landscape of your life.
We can weed out anger and sow righteousness in its place.
Tending to our hearts is hard work, but it’s worth it.
Keeping the Faith,
Lyli Dunbar enjoys karaoke in the car with her husband, digging into Bible study with the girls, and reading 12 books at a time. A writer, speaker, and mentor, her burning passion is to know Jesus and to make Him known. Join her at lylidunbar.com to find fuel for a wildfire faith. You may also connect with Lyli on Facebook, Instagram,Twitter, You Tube and Pinterest.
Week 2 Challenge: This week, focus on being a “Doer” of God’s Word. Don’t just read God’s Word, live it out! Hold your tongue when you want to respond in anger, go the extra mile for that person who is needing the help, extend the forgiveness even though it hurts and be generous…with your money, love and time.
Week 2 Reading Plan
Week 2 Memory Verse
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Thank you so much for sharing. I loved the way you broke down the scripture so beautifully. These are tough verses for me to read, but they are ones I really need to take to heart and put into practice in my life. Your insights were beautifully written.
Thank you for joining us on the blog today, Jennifer. Praying that God will use you in wonderful ways this week and give you the opportunity to apply these verses to your life. Blessings to you, Sister!
Me, too! When I saw the verses Angela asked me to write about, my first thought was “I am not sure I am the one to write about these verses!” But, God knew I needed to study it.
It’s a great passage to commit to memory.
Blessings to you, friend! xo
Lyli, did you peek into my soul? That definition of anger really struck me this morning and your words encourage me to move forward. Thank you for sharing.
Wasn’t that a great definition of anger, Kristin? So glad you are joining us on the blog today. Praying you have a blessed day, Sister.
I was definitely preaching to myself this morning, friend. But, I am so glad to know that I am not alone in the struggle. HUGS
Oh, Lyli. You are gifted by God to communicate His truths with meaningful life application. I lived through many years with an ‘angry’ spirit. Your post today is spot-on and needful. Thank you, Lyli.
So glad you were touched by today’s blog post, Charla. I too, have lived in the past with an “angry spirit.” I am so grateful for our amazing Father who is so full of grace. And so grateful that we have His Word to teach us how to live and apply these verses to our lives. Have a blessed day!
I cannot find the devotions
Charla,
It’s so lovely to see you here at Love God Greatly. Anger robs us of God’s greater blessings — I am so thankful for the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives to help us overcome this sin.
Lyli, that definition of anger is something to think about for sure. And you are so right – tending to our hearts is hard work, but it worth it in the end. So grateful you constantly share your wisdom!
This is a stronghold area in both my family and my husband’s, and we are determined to break it.
Anyway to get week 1, I got a new grand baby and missed the first week
Congratulations on your precious grand baby, Renee. Here is the link for last Monday’s post and you will find Week 1 Reading Plan here, http://lovegodgreatly.com/james-week-1-monday-choosing-joy-midst-trials/
Blessings to you and your family, Sister.
God bless the entire Love God Greatly community.
God definitely answered my prayer concerning anger. It was a gradual process that began with me taking the matters that fueled anger in me in prayers to God. If it involved people, I asked God to give me more love for them in place of the anger.
I learned that it’s a prideful person that gets easily angered, is fast to speak, and quick to get angry.
Truly grateful to be able to study James together with other women learning to love God greatly ❤
Thank you for sharing Oluwayemisi!
What a beautiful testimony to God’s goodness! I’m so glad you’re joining us for this study on James. May God continue to bless you, Sister!
We do have to watch our words and it is hard sometimes, especially when others think we should be the ” Loud Family “. I know a few and I’m saying indoor voice a lot to them.