“But this I call to mind;

therefore I have hope:

The Lᴏʀᴅ’s loyal kindness never ceases;

his compassions never end.

They are fresh every morning;

your faithfulness is abundant!

“My portion is the Lᴏʀᴅ,” I have said to myself,

so I will put my hope in him.”

 —Lamentations 3:21–24

I was told that when I can write about the event I’m about to share it means my heart was almost healed. I am a writer, and sooner or later I will write about events that have happened in my life, although most of them I never share. Writing is my way of processing. 

On May 8th, 2020, my father went home to be with the Lord. My world was upended. Time stood still. Life somehow became bland. In September of 2021, I miscarried my first pregnancy. I never knew there was pain like that to be felt. When my dad passed I thought I had felt the deepest pain. In sixteen months I lost my father and a child I never got to hold. 

Friends, my heart shredded to pieces. I oscillated between pain, numbness, anger, guilt, faith, and fear. I went through a myriad of emotions. Nobody could truly understand the pain I was going through, except those that had gone through it, and even then I felt alone in my anguish. People wanted me to talk when I did not have anything to say. The miscarriage wasn’t my fault but I felt guilt and shame that maybe I caused what happened or I could have done or not done something that made it happen. I felt gutted from the inside out. I was in unimaginable emotional pain. I could not understand why this had happened. I wasn’t over my father’s passing yet and this happened.

I learned that my baby had died on a Saturday and I was scheduled to have surgery the following Monday. Throughout Saturday, my mind was blank. I cried and cried and I was numb. For the first time in my life, I could not pray because, honestly, I did not know what to say. I had friends and family around, and, when evening came, I sent everyone home because I wanted to be alone. I recently got married, but my work transfer to the state where my husband was living was not yet final.

Early Sunday, the Holy Spirit woke me up and He helped me pray. I needed hope at that moment. Events had happened that I did not understand. I needed my heavenly Father to say something. I desperately needed to hear His voice to have the reassurance that He was and is in control. Even though I knew it, I wanted to know again that these events did not surprise Him. 

Dear friends, I just wanted my Daddy. Like a little child in pain and crying just wants to be picked up, held, and reassured that all is and will be well. That was what I needed. I just needed to be reminded of His great faithfulness which had never failed me. My topmost questions were, “Father, are you there? Do you see this?” 

The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart early that Sunday morning and, even though all my pain did not vanish instantly, I was reassured that He was aware of my anguish. I have wondered ever since what good was going to come out of my miscarriage, well, here it is! Today, I share with you and tell you with wholehearted confidence and trust in my heart that God is faithful. 

By the time you are reading this, I’ll have already given birth to my rainbow baby, or I’ll be very close to my due date. And the very fact that I can write about this to women around the world shows that our Father can be trusted, and that He is faithful. He does not forget His own even when we are in the midst of unimaginable pain and suffering. 

The grace and strength you need are made available for you. When your mind is blank and the intensity of what you are going through overwhelms you, read Lamentations 3:24 to yourself until it sinks in. The Lord is your portion. God is with you. He will not allow anything to overwhelm your heart. Light will shine again because He never leads us into darkness. His thoughtfulness towards us is boundless and can never be exhausted. 

In the midst of that pain, uncertainty, suffering, and confusion repeat verses 21 to 24 of the book of Lamentations with me.

But this I call to mind;

therefore I have hope:

The Lᴏʀᴅ’s loyal kindness never ceases;

his compassions never end.

They are fresh every morning;

your faithfulness is abundant!

“My portion is the Lᴏʀᴅ,” I have said to myself,

so I will put my hope in him.

God’s compassion is endless. His faithfulness is too numerous to count, exhaust, or fail. He is our portion, our very own God, living in and with us. Our hope can never be misplaced or lost in Him. Do not allow the devil to sow lies that you have been forgotten or that God is not faithful. His faithfulness is great! That fact gives my heart so much joy as I write this!

Say this loudly with me, “ I will put my hope in God.” 

I love you eternally dear friend.

Shalom from Nigeria.

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Ebos Aifuobhokhan

Ebosereme Aifuobhokhan is a Nigerian and lives in Nigeria. She’s an avid reader and a lover of God’s word. She leads the Hausa translation branch of Love God Greatly, translating all of our Love God Greatly studies into the Hausa language, spoken by over 40 million people worldwide. She also serves on the Encouragement and prayer teams at Love God Greatly. When asked her life purpose, you’ll always hear her say “to point people to Jesus.” She’s single and totally in love with God. She’s a radiographer and a mammographer in one of the Teaching Hospitals in Edo State, Nigeria.