Rule Following vs Approval Seeking
If you’ve ever spent any considerable amount of time around young children, you might have observed that kids take great delight in many things, but following the rules is not often one of them. At two years old, my youngest has an ever-changing relationship with rules and authority that keeps my husband and I on our toes. His newest favorite activity is to point out every single time that he is following the rules when his big sister is not.
“Mommy, I’m not putting my finger in my nose.”
“Daddy, I’m not complaining.”
“Mommy, I didn’t cut my hair.”
It might be tempting to believe that he is a ruler-follower, that he delights in mine and my husband’s rules so much that he always puts his shoes away, never gets out of bed at night, and abhors writing on the wall with markers. That assumption would be wrong. We’ve got the wall artwork to prove it.
For every rule that my son brags about following, there are many more broken rules filling his days. That is because, like all humans, my son was born selfish and bent towards delighting only in himself. He loves to follow the rules people in authority over him give him only when he believes it’s advantageous to him. As a two-year old, that’s not often.
My husband and I have to teach our children that following our rules is not about avoiding consequences, gaining rewards, or being the favorite child. We have to teach our children to delight in our God-given parental authority. We do so by showing our children that they can delight in our love for them. They can trust we have good intentions, wise advice, and mercy at the ready for them when they mess up.
Now, I struggle with this everyday. I am not even close to being the perfect mom. I selfishly choose anger or impatience on difficult days. I stumble through Bible stories and verses during family devos, and I don’t always reflect the love of Christ in my interactions towards them and others. Through God’s grace, I strive to live in a way that shows my kids they can trust that I love them, but there is an Authority greater than I that will never disappoint them or let them down. Parental authority is but a shadow of the loving, grace-filled boundaries that God has for His children.
A Heart of Obedience
Just like young children, as Christians we, too, must learn to delight in the Law-giver for who He is and what He has done. If obedience to God is driven by things dependent on bringing us immediate pleasure – guilt, fear, or pride – that obedience will crumble when a stronger motivator comes into our lives. I might feel a deeper sense of guilt holding to a Biblical ethic that our society deems unloving more than I feel when living outside of God’s boundaries. I might fear the consequences of being abandoned by friends or family who want nothing to do with religion more than I fear the disappointment of God. I might take more pride in prestige, fame, or the accumulation of wealth more than I do in checking off my “good Christian” list.
When the desires of our hearts are bent towards the finite – the temporary pleasures of this world such as the avoidance of guilt and fear or the pursuit of pride – we’ll find ourselves blind to the infinite, lasting delight that can be found in Jesus Christ and who He is. Obedience dependent on the finite won’t last because delighting in the temporary turns to mourning when those temporary things are taken from us or let us down.
We might find ourselves momentarily excited about giving to the poor when things are going well, but we start to waver when we find ourselves being asked to show kindness to someone who has hurt us. For my two-year old, it’s easy to pick up his toys when there is a snack promised afterwards, but not so much when it’s time to put his toys away and get ready for bed. All of a sudden, following the rules isn’t so fun anymore.
We might even start excusing our disobedience by constantly saying, “God, I’m not a murder! I’m not a thief! I’m not as bad as that guy over there!” Guilt, fear, and pride might temporarily motivate us to obey God’s commands, but they can’t truly change our hearts. Only the deep, satisfying love of Jesus Christ will lead us to truly delighting in His commandments and offer the reward of deeper intimacy with Him.
Resting in God’s Secure Love
Ultimately, I want my son to obey me not because he is scared of time-out or wants to earn a special snack, but because he trusts that I love him and have his best intentions in mind. So it should be with our heavenly Father. We obey Him because we believe that He truly is the wise, holy, grace-filled, all-knowing, all-powerful Creator, and nothing will bring us a greater reward than a flourishing, loving, obedient relationship with our Him.
Imagine the thoughts Esther must have had about following God’s commandments. I think a question running through my mind at this point in Esther’s story might have been, “God why should I obey you now?” An exile, taken from her only family and living in the palace of a pagan king, Esther might have felt like it was pointless to continue to walk in God’s way. But when Esther’s whole life is turned upside down she rests in what she knows of who God is, and she faithfully continues to walk in His ways. Though we don’t see it in the story yet, we’ll come to see the depth of God’s love for His children displayed through Esther’s obedience.
I encourage you, dear friend, to sit with Jesus for a while today and rest in the reminder that it is a blessing for you to live within God’s boundaries and follow His commandments. This is not because doing so will remove suffering from your life or make you His favorite child, but because God already delights in you. In His delight, He has shown you the way you should walk. Through Jesus Christ, we are already His highly-favored and deeply-loved children, and that is worth delighting in.
