From a young age, I have struggled with the fear of not being in control. I think the seed of this fear was planted in my heart when my parents divorced. Seeing what my mom went through as a single woman created in me a desire to want to control my life so I would never be dependent on anyone else. If I wasn’t dependent on anyone else, in my naive thinking, I wouldn’t be vulnerable and, therefore, I wouldn’t get hurt.
This fear of not being in control has stayed with me in every stage of my life. From which college to attend, to whom to marry, what job to take, and how to raise my children. The fear of not being in control can be crippling at times as I think about what type of world my children are inheriting. A world of school shootings, terrorism, suicide, drugs, divisions, chaos, illness, discord, lawlessness, and the demise of truth.
So much in life is out of our control. It’s enough to bring us to our knees.
Which is exactly where we need to go: to our knees in prayer.
Reading Luke 12:22, Jesus, in His love, reminds us that worrying is not the answer. We are not to worry about every day matters like what to eat or what to wear. He pointed to His creation to not only tell us not to worry but to help us to see His love in action. Don’t worry. Why? Because God cares for even the ravens. He clothes them and feeds them. You are much more important and more valuable to God than a raven. If He does that for them, think of how He provides for you in your life!
I’ll be honest with you and say I am not 100% free from my fear of not being in control, but I have learned a few nuggets of wisdom over the years that I’d love to share with you. These nuggets of truth have helped me win more battles of fear over the years, and I pray they do the same for you.
1. Surrender: We are not God.
2. Prayer: Pray instead of worry.
3. Claim God’s truth: God’s Word is powerful and active!
4. Put God’s truth into action: Don’t just read it, live His truth and put it into practice in your life!
5. Trust God: He is good, He loves you, He’s got your back, and He will never leave you.
6. Recognize His kingdom over ours: Our lives are not about us, our little kingdoms, or our glory.
7. Increase our faith, not our worries: Feed what you want to grow!
8. Know the difference between needs and desires: God does not say He will give us all our desires, but He will provide for all our needs. Trust Him with this promise.
Focus on this truth today: Do not be anxious about your life. Instead of worrying, choose to trust, even if you don’t understand what God is doing.
And remember, this world is not our home, we have heaven to look forward to!
Love God Greatly!
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Excellent, Angela! I think most women have that “built in controller” … as it used to be in the “olden days” when I was a stay-at-home mom, dad went to work, kids stayed home or went to school, depending on their age! Mom was in charge of the longest part of the day, only relinquishing “control” at the end of the day when Dad came home. Mom had to be in control or she would be on the phone constantly calling Dad for advice to handle the many different situations that came up during the normal day! I found it difficult to give up that control … even when I moved into the work force when our kids were all in school, which doesn’t make for good relationships I learned very quickly! All your points were wonderfully explained! I’d just like to add one, which probably could be a sub-heading under a few of your points—“and be ye thankful”! So many times moms pass on their discontent to their husbands/kids, which puts added strain on dads to “do better”, adding insurmountable “honey do” lists”, noting frequently the “new whatever” the neighbors had”, complaining about this and that … all leaving dads with the feelings of inadequacy or the desire to give up entirely! In the area of control in a marriage and/or family, allowing your spouse/kids see moms being thankful, first to the Lord and then to each of them, is a healthy, home-building exercise we all need to do! This also applies to the single ladies who have the control issue to deal with just out of necessity—we can always thank the Lord for our situation, His provision, His placement—in everything give thanks. We can thank those around us, even those who “serve” us, etc. And the neat thing is, being thankful is catchy! ?
Yes, a grateful heart creates room to see all the wonderful things God has done in our lives
Thanksgiving lifts our focus from the fear to seeing how gracious God has been with us.
Dear Angela,
Browsing through some Christian sites during these strange times I wanted to do something to help our Lord. Stumbling accross your web site, I have been encouraged by your vision and outreach. God’s speed with your ministry.
He leads us beside still waters and reminds us that it is is the one who works in us both to will and do His good pleasure.
He will always remind us that He is control when like Peter we get protective of Him
He whisper ” Stand still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nation”
Thank you for joining us ? and standing with us in prayer. God speed in all that you do too
I also have an issue with control. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m an only child or because I spent 10 years as a single woman. In the last 5 years, I’ve come to realize I have to choose my battles and only concentrate on the things that effect me and my family. I know i have issues of letting go, I want to change that and just trust it will work out. How?! Any help is welcome!
So I’m just wondering what your thoughts are on being afraid to help needy people. I’m not good with medical things so I’m afraid to be out in a position that’s u comfortable. I’m also afraid that if I start helping a very needy person, it will never end and it will be like the more you give, the more they take. I have several people in my life that need major help (not family). I’m so reluctantly to give with my whole heart because I’m afraid there will be no end. I was thinking it was because I’m afraid to commit, but now after looking at this, I’m wondering if it’s being afraid of not being in control. Yet, I feel like God is trying to push me out of my comfort zone, like the mother bird pushing the baby bird out of the nest. I mean God’s word tells us to love others, help others, esteem others more than yourself, love the neighbor as yourself. Our Pastor always preaches that when you get out and help with human need, that’s when you see God. He keeps saying live for the benefit of others. I’m realizing how selfish I am (cringe) and how afraid to commit, and how afraid to be uncomfortable, and how how afraid to not be in control. I welcome all suggestions and help!
Thank you, Angela, for these eight clearly stated “nuggets of truth” to help us focus on God and not on our fear and worries. Putting my trust in Jesus!