At 19, I had an unplanned pregnancy. I was filled with so much shame and guilt and had convinced myself that abortion was the only way. While sitting on the cold table hearing about the details of the procedure, I ended up having an anxiety attack and fainted just moments before the abortion was to take place. Overcome with emotion, at the last minute I decided to choose life. I didn’t think anyone would accept me knowing what I had done – not even my family – but I decided it was a price I was willing to pay.
The father of the baby and I chose to marry when I was 16 weeks pregnant. A man who led my now-husband to the Lord was like a father figure to us and was a pastor at a church a few hours away. We approached him and told him what our situation was and asked if he would marry us. His response was, “I can’t bless this marriage because you have sinned – I will not marry you.”
The shame we carried was almost unbearable.
I tried to go to church again but all my friends I used to talk to regularly now wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. I knew people knew I was pregnant, but yet no one would even acknowledge me. People couldn’t figure out whether to say “Congratulations” or “I’m sorry,” so they wouldn’t say anything at all. I felt like my scarlet letter was on display for the world to see … so I stopped going to church.
Going through that season of having an unplanned pregnancy and being completely alone, years later inspired a passion to change the response of the church in situations like these. Through the Embrace Grace program, we want the church to be a safe place for these young moms to run to instead of the last place they turn because of shame and guilt. We want to be known for our love, and for the church to be a place for broken hearts to be healed and restored. We want these moms to fall in love with Jesus.
Through this pro-love movement, we are seeing the tides change. We are seeing the church stop shooting at their wounded. We are seeing the church stop talking so much about the problem but more on the solution, and that’s God’s love. I am seeing the church open their eyes to see people the way God sees them. We are loving people even when they look different than us and we have compassion for people we don’t understand.
Even the pastor who wouldn’t marry us 17 years ago reached out a few years after that and said it was his worst mistake he felt like he had ever made in ministry. He asked for forgiveness and blessed our marriage. Last Mother’s Day, I spoke at his church and he asked my son to come up front. In front of the congregation he asked my son for forgiveness and said, “Will you forgive me for planting seeds of rejection in your heart while you were still in the womb?” And my teenage son, in front of this amazing man’s church said, “I forgive you.” This pastor is one of our dearest friends and mentors today. God is moving and His church is awakening their hearts to a relationship and adventure with Him.
If you are reading this and you have a church wound in your heart, I am so sorry that you were hurt. Please realize that people who are in ministry are regular people too. They make mistakes just like we all do. It doesn’t excuse the wrong, but it can help us have a softer heart towards forgiving others. We can see people the way Jesus sees them. God promises to turn ALL things for good for those that love Him. You never know, God might just take that season in your past that was the hardest thing you ever went through, and turn it into a passion. A destiny. A purpose. Just let go of whatever may be holding you back from the God-adventure He has for you!
If you or anyone you know is single and pregnant, or if you are interested in starting an Embrace Grace support group at your home church, check out www.EmbraceGrace.com!
Amy Ford
President & Co-Founder of Embrace Grace
Thank you, Amy Ford, for your transparency and for your vision. We in the church need to reach out more like your organization is doing. May God richly bless you and Embrace Grace.
Amy,
Because we have been called to take a young lady,who has never been married, into our home with two boys and a baby on the way. God had me read this today the day they move into our home. We are going to do the best we can God has the plan we are stepping out and helping. Please pray for our family that Jesus is seen and not us. Thank Amy for your story. God bless you!
Oh, Jen, we stand with you as you embark on a new journey in your life. May God bless you and your family for stepping out in faith to help this young mother. May He give you peace and comfort even when times seem tough. Lord, please guide Jen and her family so that they may be ministering spirits to this young woman to help her build a strong, solid relationship with You, her loving Father. In Jesus’ name, amen.
My mother was a young girl of 16 when she became pregnant with me in the 50’s. She attended a local church at the time. There was no chance of marriage because my father was a much older man who was married. She took me to church when I was 10 days old. She was told she should not be there. She never returned to a church until nearly 70 years old. She never told me, a relative told me about it. Mom allowed me to go to this church from the time I was about 3 with my older cousin. At 5, he moved and I walked on my own from until I married. Most everyone there encouraged and loved me. I don’t know who the person was who told her to go, but Mom forgave them, and once I heard the story, I had to forgive. I pray the person repented and changed their attitude toward the hurting. If Mom had chosen to be unforgiving, I may never have come to know God.
It blesses my heart to hear that your mom was able to forgive that person. Hearing unloving words like that from the place that is supposed to love and accept us the most can be very hard pills to swallow. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Peggy.
What a great story! So love that Embrace Grace was established to help pregnant women. This is a great example of forgiveness and learning and doing something about it. Thank you so much Amy for your story. God bless you.
I am a volunteer parent coach at our local life affirming clinic. Several of the women still tell me they do not attend a church because they are looked down upon. Thank you for helping to change attitudes.
I absolutely love this article!
God never ever ceases to amaze me.
What love, Grace and Mercy He bestows and oh the forgiveness. Lord help us all to be quick to recognise our wrongs and slow to speak lest we speak things that cause harm!
Thank You Lord that the pastor was able to recognise his sin, repent and seek forgiveness. Thank You Lord for the ministry that was birthed out of pain, rejection, guilt and shame.
Thank You Father than Amy came back, and thank You that her son was not aborted! Continue to use this ministry Father in ways that Amy and all other staff dare to imagine.
Thank You Father, that for any other lady in our groups, or reading the blog, or may just identify with Amy’s story, or know an ‘Amy’ You know the very hairs on their head and the number of their days and Love them oh so so SO much, may they come into the fullness of Your love for them Father, and break the chains of sin shame and guilt so that they may walk in the freedom that You Jesus died for us, and them to have. In Jesus name, Amen.
I come into agreement with your beautiful prayer, Verona! Thank you for sharing it!
This is such a beautiful story that really captures the heart of Christ. I have seen so many wounded from the church, and that breaks my heart. I have been on the receiving end of harsh judgment myself that nearly destroyed me, and I learned that forgiveness is a must in order to heal. Rejection from church members does not equate rejection from God. His love is unconditional.
“Rejection from church members does not equate rejection from God.”
This is such a true statement, but sometimes hard to see in the midst of the hurt! I pray that others who have experienced similar hurts from the church would see and accept this as the truth.
That was a great story! That was my story. I was a pregnant teenager in the early 90’s and I attended a very conservative, traditional, Baptist church. I had no support and my family was ashamed. 20 years later I can look back and see that I definitely was not living my life for God. But God still loved me, forgave me, and made a path for me. My story is long and has lots of ups and downs, too many to mention, lol!! I am so glad that you began Embrace Grace. I pray that God will use that ministry to reach many lives!
Thank you for sharing your story, Rebecca! I pray that God would continue to bless you and your family through whatever ups and downs life may continue to bring.
Praising God for you Amy and for all the lives that Embrace Grace is going to forever change!
Your story has encouraged me and motivated me to let go and see how God is going to use the pains of my past!
Such an amazing testimony, it amazed me when the pastor said, I couldn’t marry you and your husband for the child you are carrying is from sinned. The fact that you and your husband (bf) wanted to keep the baby and
wanted to get married was a good reason for him to blessed you with marriage, meaning wanted to do things right in the sight of God. Isn’t it that Jesus came to save the lost?
I too was a teenage mom. My family did take care of me during that difficult time but my dad told me that I was, used goods, no one would want me. So I married the first person who asked me. It was a very abusive relationship. My entire life was led by those words my dad said to me. At age 56, there are days I still feel unforgiven, not only from myself but from my son, who was born without knowing who his father. His unforgivness reaches to.me being dead to him and not allowed to see my granddaughter nor be a party of the child they are pregnant with.
Amy~ you are a picture of God’s redeeming love and grace! I know your story, yet every time I read it, my heart is stirred and eager to seek out and encourage another wounded heart. You are one of my “sheroes” and it’s an honor to serve in this ministry!