I sat quietly in the waiting room with tears streaming down my face. My unstable emotions were even catching me off guard. I was so tired of feeling weak.
After all, I’m the one who’s always supposed to have it all together.
And oh, how I long to be that person: the low-maintenance one who always encourages; the one who always has a smile on my face, is generous with my time, and helps ease the burdens of others. I despise neediness in myself. Call it mercy, call it middle-child-syndrome, or call it a bad case of wanting to be in control. Whatever it is, it just plain stinks when you’re not.
The week before, our like family small group had overwhelmed us with love and practical care. My husband and I sat on our living room floor and wept as our friends surrounded us and lifted our sick little boy up to our capable Father. He alone could make him well in a moment, but for His glory and our good, He had taken us on medical journey that had lasted years.
A crazy hereditary condition had landed us in children’s hospital waiting rooms far more often than we would have liked. As far as conditions go, we always knew that it was “fixable,” but the road would be uncomfortable. Our kids would endure test after test and difficult hospitalizations, and I’d cry hard tears with each visit as I listened to my sweet toddlers cry out, “Aaalllll done, Mama. Aaalllll done.” It sometimes seemed unfair that so many other couples had such healthy kids, but on my unselfish days, it especially seemed unfair that our kids would get through this while other children with more severe health issues weren’t looking at outcomes as optimistic as ours. The waves of emotions alone were honestly more than this seemingly all-together girl had signed up for.
The waiting room chairs were hard and uncomfortable, a perfect match to the state of my heart. Some stranger had wheeled my boy through those doors without me hours before, and now surgery was taking much longer than expected. For Your glory and my good, God? No, thank you. My Bible was open to the Psalms, the pages now wet; first with fear, and then with tears begging for forgiveness for my doubt in the One who holds all things together.
I was so tired of not having it all together. And now I wanted to cry out, “All done, Father. I don’t want to carry this anymore.”
But God meant it for good.
Those familiar words from Genesis kept pressing in on the walls of my hard heart, reminding me that in each victory and each set-back in life, God has a greater goal than my comfort in mind. It’s actually through those vulnerable times when I don’t have it all together {which, let’s face it, is all the time} that I’ve come to understand more of who He is.
The God who forms in the womb, who sees my every thought and need, who loves me in spite of myself – He understands and has compassion for me in my weakness. He willingly walked a road that no perfect man deserved and sympathizes with my suffering – no matter how big, or how seemingly insignificant. And praise God that He loves me too much to leave me immature and lacking.
God, the Master Weaver. He stretches the yarn and intertwines the colors, the ragged twine with the velvet strings, the pains with the pleasures. Nothing escapes his reach. Every king, despot, weather pattern, and molecule are at his command. He passes the shuttle back and forth across the generations, and as he does, a design emerges. Satan weaves; God reweaves. ~ Max Lucado
My dependence is greater.
My priorities are refigured.
My will is broken.
My heart is made tender.
My compassion grows stronger.
My ministry becomes more effective.
God shines brighter… for my good, and His glory.
I’ve learned over the years that all-together people don’t exist. And I’ve also learned that even if they did, I don’t want to be one of them. In my weakness, I’ve seen more of Christ, and He is more beautiful than before.
I’ve watched Him weave this grace-laced story – messy and twisted underneath – into a magnificent, intentional, and clearer presentation for the world to see more of Jesus in me. I’ve learned that the world doesn’t need one more pseudo all-together Jesus-follower. The world just needs Jesus.
So mold me to be more like you, Father. Whatever it takes. Because nothing escapes your reach, my confidence is in You. Shine brighter, for my good, and Your glory.
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
Let’s Talk: What has God taught YOU in your weakness?
Good morning, and thank you so much for your wonderfully inspiring and uplifting blog!
In many hours of weakness, I have learned a couple of things. Firstly, when Jesus says it, He MEANS it. Secondly, He not only can (and does) use my trials for my own good, but for the good of others as well.
At 28 I was diagnosed with a rare condition, Trigeminal Neuralgia. (as it turns out, for me it’s doubly rare because it’s on both sides). My first brain surgery was at 30 years old. Ten years later was the second surgery for the other side. God told me very clearly that I would be home in 2 days, so I wrote it down on my calendar in black sharpie and I told the surgeon what God said. He chuckled at me and reminded me that I was not as young as I was with my first surgery. Wednesday morning my head was drilled open for a 7-hour surgery. Thursday I was up and around visiting the other patients in the Neuro ICU. When the doctor finally found me for my exam he told me “You’ll be going home tomorrow”, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at *him*. Yes, I knew this already because God had told me so. 🙂 When the Lord says so, it is so. Period.
At the time I was a nurse in a large medical practice in my area and had had this condition for over 10 years. Suddenly other doctors from other areas in the practice started coming to *me* to talk with their patients – they had heard about my situation and condition but were unfamiliar with it. They wanted me to help them diagnose their patients and encourage and uplift them; help them realize that there IS hope. Praise Jesus, YES!! Not only has this condition brought me closer to the Lord, but it has helped me encourage others to get closer to Him as well, to shine His Loving light into their lives, offer hope and encouragement. He has not only used this for *my* good, but for their good as well. It just don’t get no better than that! =)
Amazing testimony of God’s faithfulness, the intimacy of your relationship as you abide in Him and God using your life of faith to help others and bring them to Him❣ Praise the Lord!!!
Amen!
Wow thank you. Last year I also had such thoughts wen I lost my baby girl Lady on Turner syndrome. It was very hard to see other people with their healthy baby and I had to give mine back to the Lord. But don’t know how I decided to whatever happened that I would thank the Lord and accept it. Now A year later I have a beautiful baby girl Ariana that today became 3 months old. Now I also understand that In my weaknesses He is my strength. I was so weak in that periode because of my loss and pregnancy of course. I still don’t know How He did it. I had to be Him in me I believe. He has blessed me so greatfully I still haven’t words to thank Him.
Wow thank you. Last year I also had such thoughts wen I lost my baby girl Lady on Turner syndrome. It was very hard to see other people with their healthy baby and I had to give mine back to the Lord. But don’t know how I decided to whatever happened that I would thank the Lord and accept it. Now A year later I have a beautiful baby girl Ariana that today became 3 months old. Now I also understand that In my weaknesses He is my strength. I was so weak in that periode because of my loss and pregnancy of course. I still don’t know How He did it. I had to be Him in me I believe. He has blessed me so greatfully I still haven’t words to thank Him.
Blessings ?
Thanks ?
When I’m weakest, I realize how much I need Him! How only He truly sustains. I’ve learned that chocolate really doesn’t make your stress go away! But listening to praise music can! I’m learning to run to him and to the word and to music first (or at least closer to first! It’s so hard not to run to my husband first!)
And I agree that God uses our weaknesses to help us better relate to and encourage others.
Lauren me too!!! It’s so humble in that moment of complete surrender when I can do nothing to help myself but cry out to Him! Beautiful analogy my friend! ~Sheila LGG Encourager
Yes. I can relate 2 the Christian music, especially my kids cd. How they simply remind me 2 take everything 2 God on prayer avoid so much pain from relying on myself.
Before reading this morning I was crying and telling God how tired I was, then opened today’s blog and I so completely indentified with you. Thank you for sharing these words. I’m not alone in this journey. As we are tired and feel weak He is strong in us!! Thank you for sharing your heart.
Yolanda He beautifully brings just what we need in that moment!! Sweet friend you are never alone. He is always by your side ❤️ Hugs!! Sheila, LGG Encourager
Whitney and Susan and LGG members,
Thank you for allowing Jesus to speak through You to provide comfort, inspiration, strength and direction to us.
The timing of this study coukd bit be better. Thank you God.
Lisa we love hearing you all connect with Him!!! So glad this was an in season word for you! Sheila LGG Encourager
I needed this this morning. My 12 year old was diagnosed with pediatric lupus sle that is causing a rare blood disease. She is in a constant battle for her life. We have done chemo, every 2 week infusions for the last year and a half.
I want her to have a normal childhood. Not 17 daily meds and weekly dr’s visits and hospital stays.
But God is teaching me to surrender her into His capable and loving hands.
Through her illness I have seen God. Completely sufficient. Always there. Not just right on time, but all the time. My family has been eye witness to God in ways we wouldn’t have before.
I’ve also seen Him use my little girl for other people. I’ve seen His Grace and Glory through her. It’s stunning.
This isn’t what I would have chosen. How could it be, but I trust the One who has.
It’s a daily battle of choosing perspective and surrender for me.
We covet your prayers. You can also follow her story on Facebook: HOPE for Kennedy to know specific prayer needs.
I will be praying for Kennedy and for strength for you. God is an amazing healer and even when we don’t understand, He has an amazing plan. I pray that He will comfort both of you as you walk this journey.
Goodness
Many times I grumble and complain about the inconvenience of parenting because i am so selfish. Thank you 4 sharing this to bring perspective (spiritual) to me.
Praise God! Thank you all for sharing your stories. We serve an amazing God! What I have learned from God in my weakest time was to remain still. I had a tendency to always try to take control over situations that was not going according to my plan. The outcome 9 times out of 10 left me with regret and that’s when I cried out to God. But He said seek me first and then be still, that is when only I began to see change.
Barbara,
I love the wisdom you share about being still. This is so hard for busy bees like us, but God always shows up with His strength and encouragement in the quiet. I am reminded of that verse in Psalm 46 that says “Be still and know that He is God.”
Blessings,
Lyli
LGG Encourager
On the way to work this morning I was in agony about my son. He’s bipolar and struggling so hard to get on with his life. My heart has been very heavy with worry. I’m no longer the strong, independent, wise mother I was when he was young. I’m weary now. Whenever I go to the therapist the first words out of my mouth are, “I’m so tired.” Todays blog could have been written, and I guess it was, especially for me. I so identified with what was written. I guess God did hear and answer me. It lifted me up and I’m so thankful for those words. I’m moved to ask the LGG community to pray for my son, Philip. I know with prayer we can move mountains.
Praying for you Irene and your son Phillip, that you can both find rest from your struggles and comfort in knowing God is with you.
Tired of being tired….oh, how I can relate. Thank you for sharing this post. As I’m going through my own life issues (midlife! – honestly, it seems so minuscule when I look around at others, yet its something I’m struggling with) and thinking of how great it would be to be in control…yet I find myself so out of control quite often. I’m learning to lean more on my understanding Savior and the grace people He’s placed in my life. For my good and for His glory! I plan to use this phrase as a often as I can remembering during the scary moments when the bottom seems to be falling out. I hate being and feeling so weak…but truly, even through this, God can work it out for my good and for His glory! Amen~
Thank you for this wonderfully encouraging message today. I pray that your babies are all healthy and well. The helplessness of having a seriously ill child is overwhelming. This blog took me back 4 years ago to the birth of my granddaughter, Kate. She had a cleft, which we knew about, but also heart problems that took us by surprise. She endured weeks in the NICU and several heart surgeries. We sat in silent waiting rooms and hospital rooms filled with beeping equipment for hours, days, weeks. All the while I put my trust in the men/women who were caring for Kate without putting any trust in The Father who created her. I knew about Christ, but I didn’t know Christ. She fought valiantly for 5 months and then Jesus whispered to her that it was enough. He took her home in His arms. I was completely broken; coming face-to-face with the truth that I control nothing that really matters in this world except whether or not I allow Jesus to be my King. I finally cried out to Him in that deep dark pit of despair and brokenness. Faithful as He is, He answered me and gathered me in. He began His work on me. Since that time, my husband of 35 years (who was a professed atheist) and I have both walked with Jesus. We were baptized in 2013. We pray our daughter will also soften her heart and accept Jesus as her Savior. We have also been blessed with 2 healthy granddaughters since Kate passed away. God used her life and death to work so much good!! And, I know I will see her again. All glory to God, Our Father!!
Knowing about Christ but not knowing Christ , He taught me this too in a life crushing season . Oh what a Savior ! Thank you for sharing your testimony
Thank you for this encouraging, eye-opening post.
The first thing I learn when I am weak is just that…..that in myself I am truly weak. I just turned fifty and have known God’s faithfulness for all of my life. But my own faithfulness wavers and the older I get, the more I realize my complete and utter dependence on Him.
Life is not always easy, but I love your reminders that “in each victory and each set-back in life, God has a greater goal than my comfort in mind”, and that His grace is sufficient. It’s true that He sees all of our struggles, whether “big” or “small”, and cares for them all.
I join you in asking God to let others not see me, but Himself in me.
This post spoke deeply to my heart this morning. I am so weak, and so in need of grace. I need special prayer from you sweet ladies. I feel so close to giving up, and so desperate to feel God’s love for me. God is showing me very specifically that I must trust him in a certain situation, but I am afriad. Please pray for me in my weakness! Thank you, ladies. I know ultimately, He is good.
Dear Heavenly Father,
We lift up Meredith, Philip, Kennedy and all the LGG members that we feel Your peace which transcends understanding and Your strength to see us through the scary trials we face. Thank You sweet Jesus for Your unending love for us. Amen
Two weeks before our son was born, my husband broke his leg. We had to move in with his mother (the most unhappy woman alive). My then 9 year old daughter was terrified of this women & it broke my heart in pieces to know we had to live like this! Truthfully i was scared of her too! I prayed everyday for peace & change. Two months after our son was born, my husband’s mother assaulted me. God gave me unbelievable strength that day, to only protect myself & to not fight back! She went to jail & we had to move! HE provided a new house, friends to move us in less than 24 hours, and everything else we needed to get us through the next six months on my very small salary! It wasn’t easy & some days I was filled with doubt, but God never left our side! I strongly believe our situations have to be shaken up, to move us & strengthen us! I always look for the blessing in every situation & this strengthened our marriage & faith beyond measure! God showed us, that together my husband & I can accomplish anything! My daughter has become stronger than ever too & I pray our son was too young to know what happened.
When I felt broken, God was holding us together, no doubt!
Wow Whitney! Thanks for your transparency and honesty! This last week has been so relevant to my current life situation. You all at Love God Greatly are awesome!!
I too, run to God so often. Raising grandkids for 22 years and still raising them, gives me ample opportunities to call upon God. He never let’s me down. Waiting is pretty stressful sometimes though.
Studying Gods words makes everything fall into place likeba perfect puzzle. I started Davids studies not knowing that i a week time I will be going to do all those test to detemined a lump on my breast and finally in Tuesday went into surgery. Each time I opened mt Bible I am reminded if our Lords faithfullness. He has been with me through all that happen and today I a reminded that through my weakness I am strong with the Lord on my side. I been asked if I was afraid before the sugery but my answer was always not really because I always ask God to please take my fear when I felt it. I am forever telling others to trust God and read the Bible. It helped me through this and its going to help geting through the rest of it. My hope is in our Mighty God. He is faithfull, All-Powerfull and His will be done.
I asked for prayers before going through th surgery and I thank you all for praying.
I still need prayers for the rest of my journey. I am still waiting for result and the next step.
God you are so good. Show me your way. I know that some good will come out of my situation. Give strength to carry on. For in my weakness I am strong all because you are walking with me.
Thank you Lord for your fairthfulness.
Thank you Jesus for dying to save me.
Thank you Holy spirit for livingbin me.
In Jesus name, Amen
Thank LGG for encouraging us all to put God first.
Bless you all
Hi, is it too late to join the study?
Hope your child is well….and to the many of you who posted above, thanks for the reminders that God is always with us! I can relate to the “my dependence is greater” when I’m out of my ‘comfort zone’.
Hope your child is well….and to the many of you who posted above, thanks for the reminders that God is always with us! I can relate to the “my dependence is greater” when I’m out of my ‘comfort zone’. Blessings to all of you!