I spent many, many mornings in my seat at church. I used to sit and fidget and wiggle. Some Sundays I was so tired from getting everyone up, fed, dressed, and out of the house that I would let my heavy eyelids fall and even close all the way. Just for a minute. Then, a few years into my new journey at church as an adult, God lit a fire in me. I was excited with arms held open, ready for adventure with Him!
Simultaneously, He started to perform some serious housekeeping. I knew I needed to dethrone people in my life I had placed on pedestals because they were sitting in God’s rightful place. I had set comfort above obedience and it was time to rearrange my priorities. However, I was afraid of the outcome because I thought it was going to be rough. I was right.
Not only had I never rearranged my relationships like that before, I also hadn’t seen it done with the Lord. Needless to say, I made a mess of it numerous times along the way. I hurt and was hurt. I wondered if anything would feel right ever again, if my heart would ever heal from the backlash, and I worried every day that things would get worse. Often, they did.
One Sunday morning, I sang the first song in service like I always did. I breathed out every word. I even felt a warmth come over me when I sang some of the lyrics in the second song. Then, at our church, we sit for the beginning of the third song while we pass the collection plate. We all eventually rise by the end, but this particular morning, we were learning a new song. I had never heard it before
“Walking around these walls, I thought by now they’d fall. But You have never failed me yet.”
It was my life. This song was about me. My life feels like it has completely fallen apart, my has heart ripped open. Yet here I am – alive, clothed, fed, and still clinging to the hope of redemption. He hasn’t failed me yet. He has always been there. I see it better now because of this song.
“Waiting for change to come, knowing the battle’s won. For You have never failed me yet.”
God has gone before me and won the battle! He doesn’t fail! And He never leaves me! I don’t have anything to worry about! God has got me in the palm of his sovereign hand! Yet everything still hurts.
I didn’t stand again that day. Instead, I crumbled in my seat. Tears streamed down my face for the rest of the song and for the rest of the service. It wasn’t a breakdown; it was a release. I gave my life to God seven years ago, but I still have to wake up every day and do it again. That day, I handed over yet another thing I was gripping too tightly: my sorrow.
That morning marked the end of my grieving period and the beginning of an even deeper relationship with God. I asked Him for joy and I trusted Him to reset and redeem those relationships. Over the next two years, He absolutely did. Watching each wound heal and a family draw together again, but in a new way, brought me some of the greatest joys in my life. I’m still riding the wave of the miracles He performed in hearts around me during that season.
Months after I left a puddle of tears in my seat, my church played the song (Do it Again by Elevation Worship) again, but I couldn’t stay in my seat this time.
“I’ve seen You move, You move the mountains. And I believe I’ll see You do it again.
You made a way, when there was no way. And I believe I’ll see You do it again.”
I cannot sit for a God who has walked before me and fought and forgiven and risen for me. He is still in the business of performing miracles and I will rejoice in His name and in His mighty works! I don’t sit for worship at all anymore. I’m that girl in my quiet, polite church that stands and reaches my hands to the heavens during every song because I have seen Him move. He moved the mountains.
“ Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice!” – Philippians 4:4
Now I have an deep love for songs of worship and I don’t fall asleep in church anymore. I know I will grieve even more losses in my earthly future. But the eternal future God has given us in heaven makes me want to get up and dance and sing. So I will! Thank you, Lord for the gift of worship.
“Shout out praises to the Lord, all the earth! Worship the Lord with joy. Enter his presence with joyful singing.” – Psalm 100:1-2
All for His Glory,
Week 5 Challenge:This week we are turning our worries into prayers and our blessings into praises! As worries enter your mind, intentionally turn them into prayers. Focus not on the problem, but on your Problem Solver! Purposefully look for opportunities to thank God for the blessings in your life. Write down at least one blessing in your journal each day.
Week 5 Reading Plan