The passage and story you shared cut me deep today. My mother-in-law is from S. America and lost her husband in a house fire (he went back in to save her brother and never got out again). Her home, brother and husband of 37 years gone in the blink of an eye and she was forced to stand by, watching helplessly. We spent two years and a lot of prayers money and tears to get her out of the even more desperately impoverished situation she was plunged into and by God’s grace she received a visitors Visa in May and finally stepped foot on US soil, and into our home in August. I felt overjoyed to care for this widow whom I’d met only once but already loved deeply and respected as she gave birth to my incredible husband. But as Joy said, “the more I gave, the more she took…” No thank yous, often with an attitude like what we gave was not good enough and even growing critical of my home, parenting, cooking and we ultimately discovered she was gossiping about us to the several bi-lingual friends of ours we had introduced her to in our church as we prayed she’s foster deep relationships with Sisters in Christ. We were devastated, incredibly hurt and my heart clamped down. Loving like Jesus did seem impossible, I was just too angry. I am working on loving her through her distress (James 1:27), but people in distress are not often easy to love! She helps around the house and with our 2 year old and I want so much for this to work and I know God will enable us to be a unified family with time. I crave her approval and appreciation something fierce! It’s silly but she said my dinner the other night was riquísimo (delicious in Spanish), that melted about 50% of what I was feeling! Just like that. Struggling to forgive and have grace while continuing to be generous, just as I’ve been given by Him.
Thanks for sharing Joy and challenging this stronghold in my heart that is not Jesus like, for “even sinners love those who love them…” (Luke 6:32).
Striving to follow Him,
Amber

This was a real kick in the pants for me today! Actually every lesson this week has hit me differently, but in a much needed way. Lately I have been struggling with some feelings from a past broken engagement two years ago. I’ve been replaying events over and over in my head – which we all know only leads to hurt feelings. I’ve been dwelling on the painful nature of things when I should have been praying for my ex fiancé and his family. I believe Jesus would want me to do that and surely it will be healing for me as well. Thank you for this today – and loving this study overall!

Wow. What an amazing post. Thank you for sharing your struggle with us and being so honest. I needed this today. Knowing it is hard to love often makes me want to retreat into my own personal life and turn a blind eye to those hurting and needing love around me. I know this is so wrong and you have encouraged me to open my eyes wider to see them and my heart to love them no matter how hard.

One thing to remember, is love seeks their best, which is not always what they want. It is not loving to aide someone in their sin, or not address it in the manner of Galatians 6

I’m struggling….wait, I have ALWAYS been struggling with my son since kindergarten…he has ADHD. He wasn’t diagnosed until high school, but began meds then and was better. He attended a technical college and would have gotten his AS degree, except for ONE subject: public speaking. He (and anyone with ADHD) is incapable of standing in front of people & making a speech. When he failed it the first time, he took the course again…and flunked it again because he couldn’t complete an oral speech w/no notes w/o stuttering! Anyway, he is highly intelligent in things like calculus/physics, etc. but can NOT manage a dime…his brilliant mind does not ‘get the idea’ of making money versus managing money. He works hard at his job, but after rescuing him twice from going down the rabbit hole, I’ve taken charge of his checkbook and actually got his finances back in the black and SAVING a little money! He tried living on his own for two years, but failed miserably at paying bills/keeping his truck’s tags up to date, etc. In that time, he spent all but $1500 of his $6000 savings acct where I’d always put his birthday/Christmas money, etc. Regardless, he had to move back in w/us after the crash of 2008 and he’s still here. He began drinking…and ended up being arrested for calling an ex-girlfriend while blind drunk and threatening her. He’s doing community service right now and supposed to be getting set up for anger mgmt. counseling as well…I even gave him an outline of how to do the latter (getting a referral from his family dr to a psych dr for counseling and how to get his med ins to authorize the counseling visits…but he still hasn’t done it and it has to be in place by the end of Feb. He is 32, but will be a perpetual 16-yr-old all his life, per his drs. and THAT is where I’m having a ‘love unconditionally’ and keep giving problem. He looks very normal on the outside—you can’t SEE his disability, so when he does this out-of-character things, it is difficult to remember he does these things because he can’t/doesn’t think like normal people. He is a goodhearted, loving guy when he doesn’t drink. He’s been to AA and has quit drinking, I THINK….he’s not supposed to bring alcohol in this house EVER, either in him OR on him. My husband & I try to console ourselves with thanking God our son wasn’t born w/an even worse disability. But it’s still tough to keep on giving/giving/giving and we worry what’s going to happen to him when WE are gone!

THANK YOU, JOY! You and your posts have been a blessing in my life all these miles away. I am thankful for your heart and that you so willingly share it with the rest of us. As I wrestle with some of the same sentiments in my assigned mission field, my husband and I had a conversation about this late last night. I am encouraged and refreshed by your honesty and glad I am not alone in this crazy life called ministry. Great title, great post, great admonishment. THANK YOU!

I have a relationship like this with someone who may actually read this. It would be wonderful thing if she did and in reading it, she could know how I forgive her and continually move forward, in God’s love everyday. “No one has ever taught her how to love, how to be thankful, how to do anything other than take. For her, love equals pain, so instead, she takes and runs, never looking back.-” I see these painful words as a truth in her life. She’s been running and seeking the perfect relationship, just like she finds the perfect pair of shoes, pocketbook, outfit, car, etc. And that perfect pair of shoes, outfit or relationship even, only lasts for her as long as it takes for the thrill of it to wear off. And then, she runs on the to next. With shoes and outfits and even cars, that’s a doable relationship. But with people, it is not. God has blessed this precious young woman with beauty, brains and love. She openly shares the beauty with anyone. It’s a balm to her soul, of course. She says she isn’t very smart, but she is. She can do what she wants to do and even more in God’s grace. But when it comes to letting people love her…oh, she runs! She’s spent 20+ years running. There are those of us who love her dearly and deeply, despite the hurt that she carved deep on my soul, the soul of my son, the soul of many others who love her, we love her. We will always be there to open the door to her, to welcome her, to hold her when she hurts. But, oh how much more wonderful life could be, if only…if only.
It’s here I echo Joy’s words:
And today? I’m opening up my heart, pressing in to the ungrateful, and beginning again.
Easy? Oh no.
Messy? A hundred times, yes.
Outside myself? Yes and yes again.

And how does this story end? I honestly don’t know…but I’m going to press on in love and find out. Will you pray for me? Will you pray for her by name: CPM?

Oh my goodness, this was beautifully {and honestly} written. Thank you for pushing through so many difficult feelings to process this with your readers, and open up your heart to us all. I, too, struggle with giving when I feel taken advantage of. Thanks for the lesson for my heart today. I love your writing, Joy!

Hi Joy, I am reading from Virginia. These verses came out to look me in the eye in the foothills of the Himalayas five years ago. I had gone “in the deep end”, my first time away from home right into the heart of a remote village to live in a mud hut with western workers who had five children. Not only did I discover that my body couldn’t handle it, nor my heart hold up to the discouragement of boredom when I thought I would be used by God–the hardest thing was that these people (compatriots of mine!) didn’t seem to notice or care how hard I was trying or how much it hurt. On top of it all, even the kids didn’t seem to like me!

But, “even the Gentiles love those who love them”. I was pretty much used to people liking me back home (because I was so nice! In India I didn’t have the strength to be nice), and now this previous verse told me to just keep loving when I didn’t feel loved. It was hard.

By the time I left for home, the children were asking me to please come back and stay.

I ended up spending my first year of marriage in the same city where the eldest went to college a few years later. God has fused a friendship unlike any other between us because I have been where she was, in her space in a place that was rugged, hard, and friendless. It is humbling to receive the affection from her and her sisters when I think how close I came to closing up to them when we were in the trenches.

Praise God for opening our ears to hear and making us willing to obey. “It is God who works in us both to will and to do His good pleasure.” And I got to share the good pleasure in years since!

Thanks for the reminder and please keep writing. I know you are learning precious things there on the field. Sweet blessings in Jesus,
Polly S.

Thank you for writing this. My sister had a baby when she was 15 (I was 14 at the time) and now that niece is living with me (she is 21). It is a sacrifice to have her living in our small house, especially for my husband, but I knew many many years ago that God was calling me to be there for my nieces whenever they needed me and the Lord has provided me with a very stable family life in order that I can do that. My natural inclination with my own daughters and with my niece is to press into them when I see bad decisions being made, bad attitudes, ungratefulness, etc. I have a hard time getting my husband to see that this is what’s needed at times when all you want to do is pull back and run away and defend your right to be respected and treated with dignity. I know our situation cannot in any way compare to what this blog post is dealing with, but in general, it’ just not natural to press in. I have been diligently practicing this and I have to say, the reward is worth it. Do I get the perfect niece who does exactly what I think she should as a result of this pressing in? No. But I do receive peace knowing that she feels love and not rejection when her sin nature is taking over and when she has moments of distrust or insecurity. I know I am showing her Jesus instead of ME. And this has really changed my husband as well, who easily presses in with the victims he deals with on a daily basis, but has a more difficult time with family because of betrayal, etc. I’m sorry this is going on so long, but one more thing: we have friends who are not Christians who have their granddaughter living with them and we exchange stories of frustration having a 20-something living with us, but we are trying to be examples to them of pressing in instead of being bitter or having a bad attitude because that is how they have responded to their granddaughter (secretly, not to her face). So I feel this has been a testimony to so many people and it is an exercise in discipline and stretching of the heart. Thanks again for writing this. I don’t even know you but I love keeping up with your ministry and life through your writing.

Marynn

I thank God for Love God Greatly. I feel the bond, the love, and the transparecy that is shared with all the women. My heart is very over whelmed. This is real ministry!!!!!! May God continue to allow us to sharpen one another.

This is so good!! Thank you for sharing!! Last night, as my family and I were out to dinner(we are missionaries in Cambodia) I watched a beautiful Khmer woman on the back of a motorbike be dropped off to meet this Western man at a guesthouse. She didn’t smile much…they ended up sitting at the table right next to us. I smiled at her, just wanting to release hope to her! And my heart was breaking and I was saying in my mind…I hate my life…my life of seeing prostitutes be taken advantage of and being treated badly!! But then, I remember…Jesus loved without limits!! He loves the flirty old man as much as the sweet, beautiful woman. So every day, I need grace from Papa, to love without limits to see past the uglies…because I have plenty of uglies too!!

Joy, Thanks for sharing this!! It truly makes us think! I love what you posted in one of your videos, Phillipians 2:1-11…I personally Love verse 5…”your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus”!!! If we could all (as Christians) gain a Christ-prospective, what would this world look like?!!! How would that change our whole lives?!! How we view others?!! How much we think of us and our stuff?!! You are an inspiration to me! Thanks for getting me to think and for posting this and the video you shared!!…God moves in Ugandan hearts!!! I have been there and have experienced it firsthand!! We saw 1192 come to Christ when we were there a few weeks ago! Many had stories similar to this young mom!! No husband, no family, children to care for….They are without hope! Until, They meet the only true Hope! Jesus!! I could go on and on!! (I have messaged you Joy and hope you can read it!! We have mutual friends/acquaintances in Kampala!!! I didn’t even know it until I saw your post in driving in Kampala and saw the guys name and was like, “I know him!!!!” It’s a small world!!!!)

That was such a terrific and relatable post.

I have given and withheld and find the giving so much more mentally and spiritually satisfying but sometimes SO very hard to do. Just like saying you are sorry without the caveat.

I sure wish I had thought to look at this verse when I was pressed into giving, but my heart was not in it. It surely would have eased my pain and allowed me to be a more joyous and loving giver.

Thanks for reminding me too that I need to shore up my own attitude of gratitude.