I’m a do-er in this house.
We moms have a constant pulse on what the state-of-the-home is at any moment, don’t we? And we’re not afraid to hold our own little press conferences and announce it to anyone who will listen.
I’m a meal-making, schoolwork-checking, chore-assigning, hygiene-monitoring, laundry-folding, behavior-watching, clutter-sorting, schedule-planning, task-oriented kind of girl.
My brain keeps track of stuff like: who needs to be where and when, what character traits my children need to be working on, what the emotional state of each of my family members is at any given moment… down to the detailed bathroom habits of everyone living under my roof. For real, this is important stuff for the health, prosperity and happiness of my people.
I’m an expert in critical information such as:
Child #1 likes: crunchy peanut butter and grape jelly on two pieces of wheat bread.
Child #2 likes: crunchy peanut butter ONLY on single slices of bread folded in half.
Child #3 likes: creamy peanut butter and raspberry jelly on white bread.
Child #4 likes: boiled eggs and pickles, and LOTS of them.
I regularly have crumbs on my floors that need attention, science experiments strewn all over my kitchen counter that need guidance, and six people who consistently require clean underwear. That last one is a non-negotiable, ya’ll. These are the things that keep moms up at night.
But in all of this striving, sometimes I neglect the abiding.
Is it good and honorable to provide for the needs of my family? Absolutely. But when I’m more focused on the tasks instead of the people right in front of my face, something’s definitely out of balance. And trust me, they notice. We find subtle ways to make sure they all notice.
You see, there’s this girl in my house who will one day have a home of her own, and she’s watching every move I make.
She’s taking in my attitude while I rush her to the next thing.
She’s listening to the tone of my voice when I’m impatiently responding to her needs.
She’s waiting for me to finish a task so that I’ll listen to what she has to say.
She’s longing for me to sit – just for a sweet minute – so that she can snuggle in close.
She’ll be grown and out the door before I know it. Will she remember my kind voice and extravagant love? Or will she remember a clean house and my completed to-do list and a mama who was never, ever satisfied?
There’s a girl in my house who watches every move I make. She’ll either learn to strive herself into a state of exhaustion, or she’ll learn how to abide in Jesus as the source of her strength.
And she’ll learn it from me.
_______________________
There once was a single mom who had four kids. There was much on her plate – so much that she could never get it all done. But because Jesus filled her to the brim {and because she knew that the dishes would still be there tomorrow}, she stopped. And she listened. And she spoke softly and hugged tightly and loved extravagantly. And she was so very, very kind. So kind that her household and the whole town knew it.
And I watched every move she made. And because of her, I saw Jesus more clearly.
That’s what I remember. And that’s how a Godly legacy begins.
{Living in Community with our families} is more than meals and laundry and a thousand things left undone. Community equals legacy when Jesus is at the center.
One day my children will leave my home. One day I’ll breathe my final breath and I’ll leave this earth. And so will you.
What will they remember?
Oh Father, let it be…
Love.
Kindness.
Jesus in me.
“How blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
Who greatly delights in His commandments.
His descendants will be mighty on earth;
The generation of the upright will be blessed.”
~ Psalm 112:1-2
At His feet,
*LET’S TALK: Are you striving or abiding in your home? How can you intentionally show love and kindness to your family today?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this verse, it helped me understanding its meaning.
I enjoyed focusing in my family this week, intentionally giving myself to them instead of checking boxes for them.
My prayers are that we feel less stress at home and that we can pour our hearts to our family….freely, intentionally, naturally.
Freely, intentionally, naturally… I love that Tatiana. So proud of you for focusing in on your family this week!
Love,
Whitney
This brings tears to my eyes. I too was just thinking last night how I focus on tasks. I think in getting the tasks done that my brain will be clear and I can just focus on my child, my huband and people who are in my home. However, the tasks are never done and our house is far from clean. I prayed the other day for relationship while tasks were done. My six year old did not know I prayed as I sat at the messy counter of dishes feeling bad – I just wanted to snuggle him and play with him. He came out to the kitchen, grabbed a towel and started drying. He said “Isn’t this better – to do it together?” My heart melted. The dishes were done quicker and we had fun being together. We realize we can not play and sit all the time but we can abide and be relational all the time not just in play but in all aspect of homemaking – dishes, laundry, home education, clutter, housework, play, and in all things. I too want to abide and do find myself striving. Lord let me pray and abide and let us do the work while abiding.
Ooohhh, that sweet boy. You’ve nailed it Melinda – it’s totally that balance. Thanks for sharing your sweet story today. <3
Love,
Whitney
That’s it Melinda! I have 3 boys and each night they take turns drying dinner dishes. It gives me a chance to talk with them about their day and catch up on anything I’ve missed. At times they’ll even come into our bedroom to help me fold laundry. At night before bed we have bible an prayer time with them. Our youngest likes to come into our room before bed, crawl into our bed to talk and read a book and then he’s off to bed. That’s one way he likes to connect with us and hang out. Taking time and setting things aside to be with family is good however when the time comes to do chores we can find a way to do some things together so we still have face time and communication. It also teaches our children how to serve and love their family.
This week I am thankful we homeschool. My husband leaves for Afghanistan this coming Monday. He took this week off from work to spend with us as a family and then with each of our boys individually. It’s all about finding balance and opportunity wherever you can.
Blessings
Wow! How relevant is that to my life! That has been my prayer for the last while (years) that my kids would see and feel the love of Christ in me as we live our lives. I still struggle everyday cause my house isn’t clean enough, I have too much clutter, the list could go on…I am working on stopping and paying attention to the now, to the small stuff cause our kids will grow, they will leave home and I still want them to tell me the big and little stuff as they become adults and have families of their own. I also have the added struggle (as I am sure many women do) of ‘working at home’ and it so so hard for kids to see that when I am on the computer or on the phone I am working. I pray for balance between the choice I made to be a Home Executive (stay at home mom) and the wonderful job I have that allows me flexibility to set my own schedule and on top of all that and most importantly that I spend time with my kids and I am present and in the moment.
Blessings to you all! I have been reading since before Christmas and I am so inspired by both the blog post and of course the comments and community. Thank you.
Ah, I say the same thing: listen to the little stuff they tell you now, so they’ll want to tell you the big stuff later. Lots of wisdom here. I too work from home and identify with every word you said, Azelia! I will pray for balance for you when I pray for me.
Love,
Whitney
I am so blessed by this study. I have three children, two by a prior marriage. My first child is a victim of my former ungodliness. I was the manic housekeeper, addicted to drugs and alcohol, not present to her needs and deeply unhappy in my marriage (which had happened in haste). I cringe at the memories I have of those times and am so very deeply saddened to think of how she must have felt. I left her father for another man and was altogether selfish in my dealings with her not recognizing the precious gift that God had given me through this sensitive child. As a result she is 23 living far away and we have a hard time connecting. Please pray for me and help me forgive myself and any words of advice for strengthening our relationship now would be greatly appreciated.
Kat,
My husband and I have a story very similar to yours — and we are praying daily for my step kids. I would encourage you to never stop praying for God to redeem your relationship with your daughter and to ask Him to show you what steps you can take to extend His love to her in ways that will speak to her and help her see how much you and Him love her. It might just start with sending her a card or writing her a letter or making it a point to find ways to spread some sunshine into her day.
Let’s go down fighting on our knees for our kids. I believe that prayer changes things. Praying for you and your daughter today.
Hugs,
Lyli
Sweet Kat,
Thank you so much for being vulnerable here today. Never forget that we serve a God who redeems even our most broken places!!!! One humble path that I’ve tried to follow in my parenting is the path of asking for forgiveness. I am not a perfect mama, and I will fail my children often. But God can provide deep healing and can restore peace when we humbly admit our wrongs to God AND to our kids, and seek their forgiveness. Keep loving and praying for your daughter, and as much as it depends on YOU (Romans 12:18), strive to offer peace in the here and now. You can’t control her response, but you can continue to pour out love and kindness. Oh, I will pray that you will allow yourself to walk in the freedom that you have found in Christ! Praise God that he makes all things new!! <3
Much love to you today,
Whitney
Thank you so much for sharing this. Ive been struggling lately with keeping up with everything. I’m living like a single mom because my husband and i are not doing well.
Last night i had this exact problem. I’ve been expecting too much of my children and myself. I just can seem to let go. I lose my temper easily and yell way too much. I’m exhausted . I want to work as a team. But when they talk back or refuse to help out i get hurt and angry. Last night the end of our night was me yelling and them crying. I’m afraid i’m ruining my girls. Im afraid im ruining my relationship with them. I’m afraid i’m ruining their relationship with God. I love them so much. I just want them to grow into well adjusted, Jesus loving , happy adults. I am not doing a very good job. My youngest goes from wonderful behavior to terrible with no middle. My oldest is passive agressive toward my youngest. They bicker constantly about the smallest things. I don’t know how to jelp them. I will keep praying. I will try again today to let go of what needs to be done. I will focus on just loving them. Thank you for the reminder.
And please pray for us.
Melissa, I just wish I could jump through this computer to give you a big hug and to pray with you in person. I am going to spend some time praying for your family this morning. The great thing about God is that He gives us a “do-over” each day — as the sun rises, so rises our hope. I agree that you can’t do it all, but God is with you, and as you surrender your marriage and your kids to Him each day and ask for His supernatural help, He is going to show up for you in big ways and in small ways. He’s got you. Just lean into Him with all you’ve got.
Hugs,
Lyli
Oh Melissa,
Praying for extra strength and grace for you as you try to navigate this load that feels so overwhelming. Welcome God into the details, take a deep breath, and remember that each day is a new day to start over. I’m so thankful you’re here today.
Love,
Whitney
As I read this post this morning my eyes were filled with tears. I was reminded that in all that I do it means nothing if I forget to do what is most important. Taking care of my family my immediate, and extended family it is so easy to get caught up into the cares of this world that we become over whelmed and frustrated. And the Christ in us does not show to those most close to us. Thanks for reminding me it is ok to breath!!!!!!
Sheree,
Yes ma’am, take that breath! You shared much wisdom here today, and I’m excited for God to use your willingness to be used by Him as you pursue the better portion.
Love,
Whitney
Whitney,
How very spot on this was for ME today. Oh the sweet memories of my little mama, the tasks so artfully monitored on Saturday mornings, and the “you’re never to old to sit in mama’s lap” at the end of the chores. In our every so busy and activity driven lives, may we remember to take a breath, see the precious small things, and be the women and moms we were meant to be.
Oh Rose, I LOVE the intentionality and grace that your mama taught you!! How I want to slow down long enough to see the precious small things too. Thanks for your sweet encouragement today.
Love,
Whitney
First time mom to a busy toddler here. I totally began to panic as I read all of the tasks it takes to keep up with a family, and the feeling of failure quickly began to wash over me. This girl? Not task-oriented in the same way. Instead, I obsess over whether or not I’m spending enough time with my child, and then on my husband or myself (uh… ha!). I never feel like I have created enough activities for us to do together, and I totally stress about it. But, you know what? At the end of the day, this toddler’s favorite thing to do is to sit on my lap in his PJs. To read a million books. To sing “Row row row row row row” in my face. And kiss and kiss and kiss me. Sure, I fail throughout the day at not having “enough” activities for my child. And I fail at perfect kindness and patience and attentiveness. A lot. But at the end of the day, that special time with him covers up a multitude of sins. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t strive to be kinder, and to love better. But I am so thankful for the daily reminder of God’s grace. From a toddler.
Suzy,
Good for you for choosing this sweet, valuable pace with your little one!!! You are so right that the intentional time spent balances out our imperfect moments. Great wisdom here today… thanks for sharing!!
Love,
Whitney
Girl, sitting here in Panera in tears. Yes.
Help me Father to remember this. Let me shine like you. Let them see You in me. Amen.
Oh Kelly, hugs to you today. “Let them see You in me… ” Amen. <3
Love,
Whitney
Thank you so much Whitney for sharing this! I just cried. Truthfully I do not cry much nor have I ever responded here. I usually just share a little in my group daily. Anyhow, truth is I often feel numb and awkward. I see it is from striving. I know I do this and have such a hard time letting go and just learning to abide in Him. My heart is breaking. I feel I must strive really hard because everything feels like an emergency with the circumstances I am in. My children definitely see a lot of pain and suffering every single day. We are a hurting family and it has been going on for years and years. We continue to ask for prayer every day as we struggle from day to day. You have given me hope today and I needed that! Thank you again!
Amy, I am so, so glad that you shared today!! I’m a striver too. I don’t know the details of what you’re going through, but I promise to pray for you and your family today. God is able. <3
Much love,
Whitney
I can relate to this even though I’m single and the only one living in my house. I used to spend so much time worrying about my messy house, and overwhelmed with all of my to-do’s (just as a single person) and often forgot or was too overwhelmed to pick up the phone or send a note to let my loved one’s know that I’m thinking about them, or have neglected to plan anything because “I can’t leave if my house is messy or I have so many to-dos”, or i have cancelled plans because of this. My relationships suffered and my relationship with Christ suffered. I’m so thankful that God has been working on my heart and is helping me prioritize. The laundry will be there tomorrow, the house can be cleaned tomorrow, but you never know when the opportunity to spend time with someone you love will not be there. Only He knows that. Since I started making family and friends a priority, my life has been so blessed, my relationships have grown, those with my friends, family and my relationship with Christ. I have to do more of this and better but progress is so sweet. Much love. <3
Oh Janet,
I love how you didn’t shy away from these verses and gleaned some amazing application for your life!!! It’s so true: we get out of relationships what we pour into them. Thanks for your honesty today, and for your great encouragement here! So blessed by you!
Love,
Whitney
Currently striving. This post was an excellent reminder and confirmation for me. There is no ‘character’ program on the market that can compare to our own actions as mom. I have been convicted that more is caught than taught. We have been in a very tumultuous and busy season and I didn’t respond properly. The character problems I see in my own daughters come from my responses. Thank you for sharing this!!
Aaahhh, so true, Jennifer!!! I can’t fool my kids… if I preach it, I have to live it!! Thanks for reminding me of this powerful truth today!
Love,
Whitney
Thank you and wow the Lord has been working on me in those same areas. Im also the mover and the shaker in our home. But God has been nudging me and teaching me this year that I have to watch how my tone sounds with my kids, especially when they are not doing what I ask or just going there own way. He has spoken to me so many times to remember this is a teaching moment not a run with my stress moment. Love helps me so much. When I think past there messy rooms and unbridle energy, attitudes etc…etc..and focus how wonderful God made them each individually and their gifts and how God gave me these kids to love and teach, well love starts to percolate in me and I take a moment to guard my tone. Its not always easy but love helps it become real❤️. Thank God we have Jesus to help us and change our hearts to overflow mode. I could not do it without our Lord!!!!
Oh Monica, sooooo true, I have such uniquely gifted, individual children, and I don’t want to squelch their passionate spirits!!! Loved your insight here today… thank you!!
Love,
Whitney
For me, I think of how I interact with my nieces and nephews. I can have the best conversations with them but if I am not demonstrating how to to abide and live accordingly. I am doing them and myself a disservice. So I have been praying today not to strive but to abide in his word
YES! So true! Praying with you friend!
Blessings, Marlene {LGG Encourager}
Beautiful words! I love your open and thoughtful heart. This struck me to the core as I am a huge doer as well. I spend more time doing than sitting and truly taking it all in. As a mom of all girls, I definitely need to remember all of this. Thank you for this gentle reminder. 🙂
Karen…
I use to be a big doer – I kinda still am but my son is grown, and I learned from him that I needed to be in the moment more. He told me once, I was always thinking of the next thing on my list and that really hit home. *Ouch*.
It’s a great reminder and I cried all the way through the blog post… loved it! Thanks for being here with us today!
Martha, LGG Encourager
Morning Whitney ! Hope I get to see you in Dallas . Thankful for your moms legacy . Helps me worry less about messy house and concentrate on time with Christ and loving my kids well. Your little girl is precious. Have a great weekend.
Hello Pam!
So very sorry for the late reply! I hope you get to meet Whitney as well.
I’m with you on worrying less about the messy house! Hope you had a good weekend!!
Martha
What a great read. I remember the days. I am now a grandma of 3 , and miss those crazy schedules. I have repeatedly said to my daughter with 2 children & my son with , that I would take those days back in a heartbeat… Good luck young moms. Remember that the laundry can wait & there’s always pancakes for dinner, but a stolen moment with your kids can never be replaced…As the song goes…”Let it go, let it go”. God Bless all of you.
Same here Maureen, I was so busy with schedules that sometimes I didn’t enjoy the moment with my son. But I learned really quickly to relax and have fun with him, and stop trying to live up to what I thought being the best mom looked like. We loved eating breakfast for dinner and he knows was a drive-in movie is, we made a point to go to one at least once a month.
Thanks for sharing! ~Martha