My brand new baby girl opened her eyes and stared up at me.
She blinked as she tried to get used to the light in the room.
I blinked trying to push back the tears that were threatening to fall.
She was beautiful.
She was tiny.
She was mine.
I was now a mom — a young mom. Nineteen to be exact.
As an unmarried teenage mother in the fall of my sophomore year in college, I wrestled with the idea of God’s love for me and an actual belief in God’s love for me.
A positive pregnancy test months earlier had set off a string of new realities in my life, one of which was a strong feeling of my own lack of worth. I had messed up. I had disappointed people I loved. I was on my way to being a mom in a season of my life that I was supposed to be finishing out my time being a kid.
I was no longer the “good girl”.
And I wondered, sometimes out loud, if God still loved me.
Pain mixed with a little shock, a ton of remorse, and lots of uncertainty left me feeling unlovable, unredeemable, and out of God’s good graces. It felt as if I had traveled to the ends of the earth and was there alone, in the dark, and in the cold. While I had always believed that God loved me during those days of new motherhood, I didn’t feel it.
But apparently during one of those lonely, dark, cold moments, I reached for my Bible and searched for reassurance of God’s love for me. All of my life I had been taught to believe that He loved me no matter what. I just wanted proof. I needed a reminder that I could rest in and rehearse so that I wouldn’t forget or doubt the reality of His love in my life.
I found one verse of assurance and wrote it down on a sheet of notebook paper. That one verse became two, then five, then over time became two pages of Scriptures that reminded me that God loved me. I kept those pieces of notebook paper with me at all times – folded up in my pocket or in my purse or in my backpack as I went to class.
Recently, I thought about those pieces of paper and dug them out of a file box. They were still intact even though they’d yellowed with time. I remember how difficult it was to accept God’s love for me when I felt that I didn’t deserve it.
But here’s what I was reminded of as I allowed God’s Word to remind me of the truth — God gave Himself for me to redeem me from every lawless deed.
The little ones.
The big ones.
Every single one.
I now know that whether we are a new Christian or even if we’ve been a Christian for awhile, we need his redeeming love every single day. But we must accept that love and live in light of Christ’s sacrifice for us. Sometimes that means walking with Him in daily obedience in small ways. Other times, that means accepting His love and forgiveness as we seek to recover from the consequences of our sin.
In either case, God’s work in us is a work of sanctification. He teaches us as we walk with Him and as we study the truth in His Word (John 17:17) what it means to be holy, set apart as sacred, and consecrated to His purposes.
We just have to choose to believe that His redeeming work is still at work in us — no matter how far we think we may have fallen. And as we believe and act out that belief, He changes us.
The key is to believe.
Believe that you are loved — because you are. (Jeremiah 31:3)
Believe that God redeems — because He does. (Galatians 3:13)
Believe that God will produce good works in you — because He can. (Philippians 1:6)
And regardless of what is in your past or facing you now in your present, believe that God is never ceasing in His grace, mercy, and compassion. The redeeming work of the cross is available to you and me each and every day.
Years later, that baby girl is now an adult woman with a family of her own. While I remember the struggle of my teens, it doesn’t define my life — the redeeming work of God does. My life is marked by His goodness, His kindness, His mercy, and His never-ending love. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that He makes beautiful the broken because I’ve seen Him do that for me.
Search out the truth of God’s Word. Choose to believe what it says over how you feel. Then act as if you really do believe His Word is true.
All For Him,
Chrystal Hurst is an energetic, fun-loving “girl-next-door” who loves to encourage other women in fulfilling their full potential in Christ. Chrystal firmly believes God’s promise in Jeremiah 29:11, “I know the plans that I have for you…” and she desires to help other Christian women believe and apply that truth to their lives.
Chrystal is a gifted writer, speaker, and worship leader. Being the eldest child of Dr. Tony and Lois Evans, Chrystal been surrounded by the Word of God her entire life. As a member of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, Chrystal assists her mom in leading the women’s ministry and loves to encourage women toward a deeper relationship with the Lord. Chrystal has recently co-authored a book, Kingdom Woman, with her dad. You can also find Chrystal writing on her blog—Chrystal’s Chronicles—where she poignantly reflects her thoughts about her faith and day-to-day experiences.
Most importantly, Chrystal is a dedicated wife and homeschooling mother of five. She considers herself to be the COO (Chief Operating Officer) of the Hurst household. Chrystal and her husband, Jessie reside in a small town just outside of Dallas, Texas.
You can find Chrystal on her website at: ChrystalEvansHurst.com or on Facebook or Instagram.
This was a great message Chrystal. Thank you.
You’re welcome!
Thank you so much for the encouragement. Despite my imperfections, God still loves me!
Yes he does!
So needed this. God loves me no matter what. Thank you Chrystal.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. We all have struggles but only the brave and courageous share theirs in hope of encouraging others. One of my favorite passage is “My power is made perfect in weaknesses. Therefore , I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness. So that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
Your story blesses us all with the knowledge that we are not alone in messing up, and your words are so encouraging, pointing us to the One Who loves us in spite of who we are and what we’ve done, not because of “whatever!” I’m even more blessed to know your family background…I just love listening to your Dad’s sermons online! ❤
Thanks for listening!
Thank you for this message of love and encouragement. this is a time that I really need it.
Chrystal, thank you for sharing your story with us and reminding us that God longs to fill our empty spaces with His redemption and peace. All we have to do is let Him in. Blessings to you, my sister!
God redeems even through the next generaration. Faithfulness begins somewhere.
Wow! Thanks for sharing your story. The first part could have been mine. I was 17, unmarried and pregnant. Got married to the father. Disaster!! One big difference is that I decided that I had done too much to be forgiven and ran away for almost 40 years. Thanks to the redeeming love of God I am back in the fold. Yes. I agree that His redeeming love works because I too have seen Him work in my life. 6+ glorious years He has shown me how much He loves me. Praise His Holy Name.
I was literally doing the same thing today- searching God’s Word for the truth. He reminded me that there is NO condemnation- no guilty verdict- no punishment for those who are in Christ. “Who can condemn us when Christ paid the penalty for our sin and God Himself justifies us?” I had my first daughter at 16 and the second at 21. I can relate to everything you have shared! Thank you for being vulnerable with us. No matter how “old” we are in our walk- we can all benefit from remembering God’s grace and faithfulness during those trying times. Our identity lies in Christ, not our circumstances. On time!
Thank you for sharing this. I was a mom at 16 and thought God had left my side but He’s always been there with me & loved me. My son is married with a daughter of his own and God blessed us with 3 more. I wouldn’t change my journey now that I’m older & understand how it all works for our good.
Thank you for sharing your story, Chrystal! God indeed redeems! I’m wondering though, since you didn’t mention it, did you repent of your sin? I only ask because there may be those reading your story that think they can sin and God will overlook it because He loves them.
I was in a church that spent way more time telling us how much God loved us than telling us we were sinners that needed to repent and turn from our sin. Thankfully God took me out of that church but I’m always worried about the people that don’t feel they need to repent, that just feeling bad about their sin is enough. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!
Kristen
Chrystal,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It brought me to tears to be honest. I too had my beauftiful daughter at only 19. As you already know, it was hard to have to become an adult when in reality you’re still just a kid. I carried around a lot of shame and guilt. I felt like I was being judged by EVERYONE including our Heavenly Father. Your story has solidified in me that God truly loves me through it ALL. Even though I made not the best of choices when I was young and naive, I don’t have to slug that burden around. God LOVES me and had already forgiven me even when I had not forgiven myself. Chrystal. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your words are a catalyst to know I am His, and only his. And that those who truly matter don’t mind and that those who mind don’t matter.