In January 2016 I committed to completing a one-year daily bible reading plan. Within three weeks I had fallen off the wagon. So much was in transition in my life. Let me explain: In October 2015 I quit my job. I had been working as a director of a non-profit domestic violence program and shelter. I loved the work but it weighed on me, and I was experiencing physical and mental symptoms of burnout. About two weeks after my last day at work my husband said he wanted a divorce and he expected me to move. As was the norm of my Type A personality, I got into problem-solving mode, and by November I had found a house for me and my three dogs, moved, set up the utilities, and began this new phase of my life. I should mention that I was in the midst of a certification for life coaching and was also starting my own business. Needless to say that by January I needed God more than ever, but with all of the upheaval in my life I couldn’t seem to make the time. I was going through the motions of life but not really feeling or experiencing it. My divorce was final in February, and the time kept moving forward.
In the beginning of August, I got back on the wagon and was making time to read my bible daily. One of my friends suggested the Love God Greatly You Are Forgiven Bible Study and it spoke to me. Who doesn’t want to forgive or be forgiven?
This study has been life changing for me. Learning that no amount of works gains me favor with God was huge. Learning that I am “enough” by the sheer fact that I was born and believe in Him changes my views on my own self-worth. And that doesn’t even include the “forgiven” stuff.
I had built up so many negative emotions and beliefs about myself. I felt that I had failed at marriage and at my ability to work 65+ hours a week doing trauma and crisis management work without it taking a toll on my body. I had let myself down in so many ways. But I had already been forgiven by my Heavenly Father.
Learning that He forgives me gives me permission to forgive myself.
I now treat myself with compassion, forgiveness, and empathy. I have apologized to myself and my ex-husband for my role in the demise of our marriage and my “lack of success” at my job. I have stopped holding myself to a professional standard that no one could achieve. Who am I to judge myself if God himself isn’t judging me?!
Needless to say, this study came at the perfect time. It has allowed me to exhale, to slow down, to reflect, and to refocus. The study has also taught me that God is caring, empathetic, nurturing, compassionate, and supportive. He only wants me to love and forgive myself so that I can love and forgive others.
Nikki Tobias, MS, Ph.D., CLC
Founder & CEO: Grounded Vision Coaching, Consulting, and Development
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Starting on November 7th.
What a beautiful story Nikki. Thank you so much for sharing how God has worked amazingly in your life!! I believe we can be our own worst enemy, if we don’t allow God to pour His grace and mercy on us.
Thank you for those kind words, Deanna! Yes, we can be so hard on ourselves but we need to learn to love ourselves so we can love others, to forgive ourselves so we can forgive others, to accept ourselves so we can accept others.
I just commend you, just reading the first paragraph of your story, I would say, You are a very strong woman. Having experience the physical and mental burnout is hard enough, what more when You are hit by divorce. Truly is amazing God’s FORGIVENESS. Through this study of YAF, I was also have forgiven people whom I was having a hard forgiving, it was years before I was able to speak to them and recently I would say two weeks before this study closes, I was able to speak to them. I will be doing a gathering in my house on my son’s birthday this Nov. 5, and I was able to invite them. I know that God had spoken to me about this gathering, I haven’t done any gathering in our home for such a long time, He made me remind the ten talents, in the Bible. I quickly made a invitations and gave it to them when I saw them. God is good, God is great! Thanks for sharing your beautiful story of FORGIVENESS.
Thank you for your kind words and congratulations on experiencing forgiveness for those you care about. I’m sure you are only beginning this new chapter of making beautiful memories together.
What an awesome testimony! Praise Him for His healing and restorative grace. You are indeed a success in the area God has called you to, may He continue to work in you and through you.
Thank you for that encouragement! It has been an emotional and spiritual journey in many ways. Thank you for reading the testimony and taking the time to write.
Satan has a way of bringing up my past and it really sets down on my mind when I lay down at night. I don’t sleep well. Often I have been reminded of my shame and have caught myself squinching my eyes and shaking my head because the memory is so heartbreaking.
I want so much to get beyond this. I know God has forgiven me however; there is one person in my life, my daughter, my first child of whom I was really hard on when she was growing up. She is bitter toward me even though I have asked her forgiveness so many times I can’t count them. This causes me to reflect on my past. It hurts. I feel hopeless and terrible. She once called me the worst mother in the whole world which hurt me so much because I carried the weight of raising 3 children even though I was married to their father. He was constantly in and out of work due to his anger issues. But she refuses to remember all the good that I did.
I and my daughter need prayer.