During my life, I have faced many trials. Each challenge has formed who I am today. Some would say that I have every right to be bitter, but carrying that anger with me has kept a focus on the past and hindered me from the path God has laid before me. The Love God Greatly Bible Study, You Are Forgiven, showed me many areas where I didn’t even realize I was harboring grudges and anger, where I needed to “let go and let God,” and those I needed to forgive, including myself. I share my testimony in hopes that your eyes may be opened as well, and as an inspiration to others who may have similar experiences.
I used to think being adopted meant I was unwanted, or a mistake. But the truth is… I was CHOSEN! Having children of my own, I eventually felt the desire to reach out to my biological father. After my adopted parents had passed away, I made several attempts to contact my biological father, but for reasons unknown to me, he never answered my letters. I have chosen to forgive him regardless.
My high school graduation night ended with my innocence being taken from me while out with friends …my life was changed forever. Even though justice was not brought to him on earth, he will one day have to answer to the ultimate judge. During our You Are Forgiven study, Mary DeMuth shared her testimony about rape on our blog. I realized that this traumatic event and my anger toward those involved needed to end after more than thirty years! I forgave them that night and no longer let those actions define me.
Throughout the study, those who abused and abandoned me over the years came to mind. The physical and emotional abuse endured by them as well as those who turned away because they didn’t understand or didn’t want to be involved…in the end, I choose to forgive them all.
But most importantly, I forgave myself. My struggles with anxiety and depression have taken a toll on me throughout my life, but the past several years seem to have been the most devastating to my family and me.
I am so blessed to have found Love God Greatly and don’t believe it is a coincidence that it was at this lowest point in my life! This ministry and the friendships I have made here have been my saving grace, and I am forever changed and forever grateful.
I am still a work in progress. God knows my heart, and He is my strength. I am looking forward to coming through this dark valley and seeing all He has planned for my life!
Velma Johnston
________________________________________________________________
Join us for our two-week Bible Study:
Starting on November 7th.
Wow, it never seems to amaze me how many women who have suffered some sort of sexual assault. Earlier in my life I had learned to push those feelings down and not deal with it. It didn’t come to head until I joined the military and was relentlessly sexually harassed. The anxiety of all those bottled emotions coupled with the new attacks going on took me to a dark place. I felt as if God had abandoned me and was allowing it to happen all over again. It took me all most losing my life to realize that I was stronger than those cowards and that I had the power and strength God gives all women. I had to forgive not bottled it up and put it on a shelf. I had to face it head on. Through a lot of counseling and I’m talking years of counseling and prayer I learned that I am not a victim but a victor. Yes, I and so many other women were victimized but we can and have overcome. We don’t have to live in the victim mind set. I am more than a conqueror I am a child of the most high!
Veronica you are definitely a victor, and yes, those who hurt you will come and stand before the Ultimate Judge and face to face with what they have done, the blinders fully removed. What a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing. There are a lot of women who are still help captive by unforgiveness and I believe God is going to use you testimony to help lead them to freedom along with Velma’s and Mary’s. You are living out Ephesians 6:10, ” Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might.”!! Thank you for sharing.
Hello I’m new here I’m Breanne
Veronica, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. Many women who have suffered sexual assault are too ashamed to discuss it or blame themselves in some way. Claiming ourselves victorious and allowing God to have the final judgement frees us to inspire and encourage others who may have similar experiences, and live the life He had planned for us. God Bless You!
Oh, Velma , I am so blessed God has brought you here to cross my path and we meet. You have so much to offer and not just in through this amazing testimony! You are chosen, called by name and precious in his sight!! God is so good. I am so happy you have been set free!! <3
Deanna, thank you for your prayers, support and wonderful friendship! God is making wonderful things happen through this ministry and uniting so many women around the world. I am so honored and blessed to be a part of this movement!!!
Velma, praise God for His healing! May He continue to strengthen and restore every last part of your heart, mind, soul, and spirit. You are a NEW creation, so live in His light! Bravo for the courage to share!
Anna, thank you so much for the encouraging words! This ministry has been a blessing to me, and I look forward to all God has planned for me. God Bless You!
I am very appreciative of Velma’s testimony. It comes at a time in my life that I need to forgive others and myself. I have suffered chronic clinical depression and anxiety for a long time that went unmediated while almost causing my marriage to end. Thank you LGG for all your work to spread the Gospel of Christ.
Valerie, it was my pleasure to share. Mental illness can be difficult to treat after diagnosis due to numerous treatment options and possible side effects and reactions. Continue to move forward with your treatment and your faith in Christ because He is the ultimate healer and comforter. I am so happy to hear you are on the road to recovery and are joining us here at LGG!
Velma, thank you so much for sharing your testimony with us! I pray that God would continue to heal you and bless you as you follow His leading and draw nearer to Him. <3
Elizabeth, it truly is a blessing to share my story with people around the world and bring hope to so many. Thank you for your prayers and support. So glad you are with us at LGG!
Dear Velma you are so brave. God bless you friend for courageously sharing your story. He will use it for His glory; for the healing of other women going through the same thing. God never wastes our pain.
Heidi, thank you for your kind words and support. I pray other women who have similar experiences will find their strength and hope through Christ! When we are in the valley, it is difficult to see the purpose of those experiences, but once we learn and heal from them we are able to see God’s plan for our future. He never wastes our pain, so true! Thank you for joining us at LGG and God Bless You!!!
Beautiful, Velma. He continues to heal our hearts as we surrender it all to Him. Love you
Oh, sweet Lyli, thank you for your friendship, support and continued prayers! LGG has been a saving grace to me at a time I needed it the most. Love you and all you do for this ministry!!!
My dear sisters in Christ hasn’t it been so good to dig into the scriptures on forgiveness and renew in our hearts what it means to be forgiven and to forgive. Thank you Jesus that you became the once and for all sacrifice for the sins of mankind that if we believe in you and confess our sins ( 1 John 1:9) you freely forgive us and we are made spotless, whiter than snow. And that you also became an example for us to completely forgive others just as we were forgiven. ( Eph. 4: 32) Just as we did not deserve the forgiveness God freely gave, perhaps there are those in our lives that are hard to forgive or don’t deserve our forgiveness but we choose to forgive as an act of obedience. A forgiving heart prevents us from going into bitterness. When we have resentment and bitterness we distance ourselves from God and in Hebrews 12:15 it says we miss the grace of God. Bitterness and grace cannot co-exist. So we rejoice in the love, grace, mercy and forgiveness God has extended to us and we, in turn, extend to others. Oh how different our lives would be; our relationships, our marriages, our jobs, our world would be if we all lived out this teaching! And we are to be ministers of reconciliation. We, having become reconciled to God, are to become ministers of that reconciliation – not only reconciling the world to Jesus but in our daily lives, reconciling (being made friendly again) with one another ( 2 Corinth. 5: 11-21). Lord, help us to be obedient in living this out in our lives, even when we do not feel like it, even when the other person doesn’t deserve it. We will indeed be blessed as we do!
There is, however, I believe a component of forgiveness that may be a misunderstanding that some have been sharing and that is the idea of forgiveness of self. I put it out there as a challenge to my dear sisters to find in the Bible any teaching that says we are to forgive ourselves. While at the expense of possible appearing “nit picky” , I do believe we need to clarify why none of us have a need, nor is it commanded to forgive ourselves. First is the truth that if we have asked God for forgiveness, he is faithful and just and purifies us from unrighteousness. He has already forgiven us, therefore there is no need for us to have any guilt if we truly believe the truth in scripture that God has forgiven us. If we have sincerely confessed and repented ( turned away from) our sin, we are forgiven! Hebrews 10:22 says that we are cleansed from a guilty conscience. For us to think that there is more forgiveness that needs to take place after God already forgave us suggests that we don’t believe we have been forgiven in the first place which really speaks to belief and trust issues in our hearts. Do you really believe God has forgiven you of your sin? When thoughts enter your mind regarding your sin issue ( which they will) instead of guilt, we need to remind ourselves that we confessed that sin and God has already forgiven it and then rejoice with thanksgiving that our sin is forgiven. So instead of “forgiving ourselves” it is really a matter of choosing to believe and accept God’s forgiveness. God has chosen to remember our sins no more! (Hebrews 8:12) And God does not want you to be dwelling in your mind on past, already forgiven sins. Yes, you have a memory of them but when those memories surface from time to time, instead of beating yourself up, remind yourself you have indeed been forgiven and thank God for his complete forgiveness. WE NEED TO LIVE LIKE WE ARE FORGIVEN!
I hope this clarification has helped some of you that have a hard time letting go of past sins and that this will help to free you up to move forward to live your lives according to the truth that sets you free. (John 8:32) Ladies, let’s live like we’re forgiven! God’s blessings to you all!
I’m so happy to see this. I woke up from a nap filled with dreams in tears. Feeling petty forsaken. Not by God but by family. As successful as I am I always feel like I’m wrong with my family and feel like they are happier when I’m not with them. I preach letting go but sadly it’s not as easy as it sounds. Just when I think I’ve let go one more time and forgave one more time my family comes in and does their thing. I moved far from them to keep peace of mind but have even been made to feel guilty for that. My father even told me that I gained from my mothers death. While I didn’t acknowledge his words then I woke up tonight to acknowledge them via a text. True conversation is never going to happen with him. I’m sure I’ll be made to suffer for my feelings but I need to let go of it all and move forward. My fear has me frozen in the past and God has more purpose for me than that. My dad even accused me of not being a faithful follower to God because I don’t attend the church he does. He acted surprised when I said I attended regularly but chose not to attend his home church. Anyway, through abuse after abuse I’m ready to move on and accept God without my past. At 43, I need total grace.
WOW…we really are meant to be in the LGG group together…we have very similar backgrounds. I have many who created a “broken – dysfunctional” background but God has ALWAYS been with me…even when I have been my own worst enemy!! I have struggled with the “enough” syndrome…not enough of this or that; too much of this or that. May God bless us on this journey, may we all grow closer to God, may we shine His light for others to see; may we know that we are a chosen one who is ENOUGH; may we extend grace where needed; speak truth with kindness; and lift others. My heart is full and thankful for you!!
Patricia,
Oh, sweet friend, I have loved getting to know you! We share such similar backgrounds and experiences. I am so glad that through LGG we found each other and are now in the same small group. May we both continue to grow together, individually and in our faith. God Bless You!