Forgiveness, to the believer, is a healing balm, soothing and restoring the most bitter wound, sealing to protect from decay, working into our very skin an ointment of grace that little by little transforms us completely. It makes sense then that as Christians, we would yearn for it, welcome it, run toward it, yes? I’ve found myself, throughout many years of my life, hiding from and hedging this grace that brings life.

It’s not that I haven’t wanted forgiveness. I’ve craved it deep in my bones even, but I’ve realized I’ve been too busy for many seasons to invest in the kinds of relationships where rubbing close enough like sandpaper, refining each other and receiving and offering forgiveness, love, and community was a rhythm of my life.

I didn’t realize how busy my schedule had become when our family had just purchased our first home and it was under renovations, I was pregnant with my third baby and balancing a full plate of leading women’s ministry and caring for my two little girls. I was often late, often frazzled, and often making plans I later had to back out. To me, I felt typical: my days were full but sweet, and all my girlfriends were the same way… ragged. When Amanda moved to town and we became friends almost instantly. We had a shared heart for our families, for missions, plus our children were similar ages, and we both loved U2. We began to live life side by side, involved in many of the same activities and enjoying a blooming friendship. When she asked me to come and see a fledgling ministry she and her husband had recently started, I was enthusiastic. I said I would love to and yet week after week, my schedule filled up- my husband would work late, I’d have a meeting, one of my girls couldn’t get to sleep, or I was simply too tired. My list of excuses was piling high, right along side my good intentions. Until one afternoon, Amanda called, and her tone was serious.

I remember my heart racing as she shared her hurt, as she voiced the way I’d let her down. She had needed a friend (needed me!) to be attentive in a tender area of her life, and I had been too busy even to show up. As I asked for her forgiveness, we both wept, and she forgave me- wildly, boldly and with great hope for a renewed and stronger binding of our friendship. I remember hanging up the phone and thinking I’d surely blown it, that things wouldn’t be the same- that though she forgave me, she would probably retreat and invest in friends who were present, and I would probably skirt around interactions wearing shame like a new t-shirt. 

But that isn’t what happened at all.

Instead, a supernatural grace forged in forgiveness drew us closer than ever. A piece of God’s love for me had been reflected in Amanda’s offering to forgive, and a sense of being known (warts and all) sprang up between us. We had experienced a grace that allowed God to breathe life into our friendship and it was rich and beautiful as a result. It has continued to be so for nearly 13 years and counting! It wouldn’t be the last time one of us had to seek to right a wrong between us, but it marked the first time in my adult life I was close enough to another friend that they would hold me accountable and then love me so greatly that I would see the love of Jesus for me in the way they loved, believed and encouraged me to grow.

So often we live life in busy isolation. Never too close to warrant a rebuke, to develop a trusted friend… we live in a state of loneliness surrounded by people and activities. We miss the deep closeness God has designed for us to know in friendship. 

Are you hiding from the rhythms of giving and receiving the grace of forgiveness like I was? Are you so busy that you don’t let anyone get close enough to know your true heart? Maybe like me, you’re afraid of anyone seeing your sin and realizing that you don’t have it all together.

If I can encourage you in one thing today, it is this: don’t hedge and hide from your fellow sisters. Enter into the busy, the gritty and the daily with one another so that you may give and receive God’s gifts in community and be reminded of His great love for you!

Quote 30

From my heart to yours,


Kristen

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kristen killUrban wife and mama. Grace gatherer. Hope hugger. Podcaster. Author of Finding Selah (Zondervan January 2018)

You can find Kristen at:  www.kristenkill.com

Angela Perritt

Angela Perritt

Angela Perritt is the founder and director of LoveGodGreatly.com, a nonprofit online Bible study ministry reaching thousands of women in over two hundred countries around the world with God’s Word through their translated Bible studies. She and her husband live in Dallas, Texas with their three daughters. Angela is passionate about God’s Word and believes one woman in God’s Word can change a family, community and ultimately a nation. Her greatest joy is to encourage her children and others to love God greatly with their lives one day at a time. You can connect with her on Instagram.

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